Am Not Coping

Yes I agree @Zoe7 that the timing of this whole big mess has been an all-round shocker for you. You should have been enjoying your end of term break right now, and resting and ensuring you were right for the start of work again. But sadly thats clearly not happening. With all the public holidays right now, there is little chance of a quick resolution of issues either. So bad feelings, resentments, frustrations and hurt continues to fester in the meantime. I know how hard it is, but can you try to focus on something other than issues here for a while? Do you have plans for the weekend, catching up with family members perhaps? If the weather is good, is there any chance of getting out for a good long walk with Toby? Perhaps pack a picnic lunch and drive somewhere restful and quiet? Maybe some local markets if you want a bit more action and people around, but still retaining the ability to stay insular. Just a thought. Please take care Zoe. No problem is unfixable, no mountain insurmountable.

Sherry 💕💕

I presume we will all be at my parents' place on Sunday but I haven't hear anything so not sure if they have any races then or not. There are often horse races on on Easter Sunday but just like everything this week - I am very much in the dark with all that as well @Former-Member All I really want to do is snuggle up with Toby at the moment so it is a good thing he is staying very close. I do hope I can move forward a little next week nd get to do some of the things I need to do - just not in the right headspace to do any of that right now.

Hi @Zoe7 @Former-Member ..., 👋💕

Have got mr. issues this morning, but we have driven to The Coffee Place together (because it was “come now, my way, or don’t come to the airport to greet the kids”) and that has given me the chance to vent in the car about how controlling and inappropriate that was ..... in how he communicated rather than the fact that he had already made arrangements, assuming I was at uni today .... ???

Twlling you about it @Zoe7 so you can be proud of me .... I’m dragon-training today ..... 😏

I am always proud of how you deal with things with Mr. Hon - it is not an easy situation but you have voiced your opinion and hopefully put him back in place a little. He certainly does not communicate with you and I am really pleased you called him out on that. The up side is you get to go to the airport @Faith-and-Hope and despite how that has unfolded you will be there to meet your bd's.

And he bought me some fasting food that I really like @Zoe7 , which is his (family) way of apologising for upsetting me, which I take to be a huge win 👍

That is a huge win @Faith-and-Hope It is a little gesture but shows he listened and did something to mend the relationship at least in the short term. So very proud of you for speaking up

I speak up where I can, as often as I can @Zoe7 , but part of the perfectionist nature of this condition is that he is already super-critical and harsh on himself, so what is then received as criticism strikes very hard ..... and the defence mechanism that co-exists with the perfectionist mechanism comes swiftly into play ..... so he is responding aggressively before he even realises it, I think ..... then the perfectionist in him can’t retract or apologise ...... it’s a very hard situation to be living with in his internal world. Giving a little bit of space in between his reaction and trying to address it with him allows that reaction to “disarm” ..... and then I can get through, but I need to provide examples of alternative behaviours he could have used that are not aggressive - just communicative - so that it can be processed as instructional rather than purely critical, if that makes sense.

So glad I am a Phoenix ❣️

Other couples in the extended family are dragon married to dragon ...... it’s not pretty ....

@Zoe7

It makes complete sense @Faith-and-Hope It s like that will more difficult kids - they need to be able to self-regulate before you can address their behaviour otherwise it futher heightens their reactions. It is also not a good situation when you have those types as behaviours as being 'normalised within the family - no example to refer to as to what is more appropriate.

hello and hugs for today @Zoe7 , @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member , @Maggie , @Sans911