Am Not Coping

Ha ha @Shaz51 We have a new cat in the court who has smokey colouring!

The neighbours all love my cat, and its a winwin. Everybody happy. Now they are batting for him. King cat went and said hello to newbie through his window. It was funny a young woman who has had a lot of mental health issues was talking about the respect between the cats. She had years of work issues but has resolved them in a great example of workplace being sensitive to stigma and things being well managed. SHe had been a tad scary and vi olent at times, years ago, so it is good she is getting better grounded and growing up.

@Zoe7 Yours is another good management of mi in workplace story.

Lovely to hear about yesterday going well.

Last week I went to a teacher meeting for social justice and discussion about John Hattie. It was heartening to see teachers do care even though some see the public sector as failing. Its important to count the successes.

It certainly didn't start out as good management in the last school @Appleblossom - would openly say that was the opposite of good management but I made it through despite those obstacles. This new school is so much better - everyone supports each other and helps out where they can. There is always going to be issues that come up or things done that aren't accepted by all but everyone works together anyway. It is such a nice environment to be in.

It is important to count the successes and not dwell too much on what you cannot control. Some things come down from much higher up and whilst we cannot change those things we can work together to do what needs to be done. The biggest issue with most teachers is the ever increasing amount of paperwork that needs to be done aside from the actual teaching. This school doesn't seem to have as much of that and relies heavily on doing things together which works quite well. It is so much easier to plan units and lessons where everyone is on the same page also - and that seems to be the case with the teachers at this school - everyone helps everyone else and it works

@Zoe7 I did not mean to downplay the difficulties at your last placement. It was sad considering your contribution there, but good you have been heard enough to get a better place, whether it is luck, good communication or good management. I am very glad for you.

The extra paperwork is a huge load, I know many struggle with it, good your team is working it out together.

I didn't think you downplayed it at all @Appleblossom - we all know how hard it was for me and how ridiculous the whole situation was - and you have been very supportive Hon

Yes the paperwork and extra responsibilities placed on teachers is getting out of control. I think most teachers find it hard to keep up. I don't have one specific team at school that I work with but do a lot with the grade 4/5 and 6 teams - most of my input has been with the grade 6 team though - and I feel useful with helping them so have stuck with them the most. There is one particular teacher that I help with a lot of computer related stuff and that is the same class I am doing the papier mache in so I am getting to know the kids pretty well too.

I really am very lucky to be placed where I am right now and hope that I can stay there all year - that would be awesome for me and I know the other teachers appreciate the extra help.

@Zoe7

For me it is good to talk it out rather than lest doubts or misunderstanding creep in. Due to my past I am extra sensitive, but also greatly relieved we can have a joke about argument on the other thread. For me it is a sign I dont always have to walk on egg shells and there is security in our relationship.

I am working on similar things in real life.

Hugz

Keep being you. You helped me from the beginning by posting your painting with the word "Arbeit "... on it ... since then I have kept singing german, added dutch, and sung in a big german opera in a fancy venue.

I do believe in the power of creativity and work.

I think we are all a bit sensitive at times @Appleblossom but I love your honesty and heart you put into your posts.

I remember our earlier interactions well - we discussed history and art and connected on a very different level - I have always appreciated that - especially at a time I really needed that more intellectual conversation. You have always been here with me from when I first joined and I truly appreciate that. Like many others - when I see your name pop up it makes me smile - and that is a wonderful thing in amidst so much pain sometimes.

@Zoe7

The head stuff is important too and relates to the heart stuff. Body mind heart connection is important. Yes I was in my head a bit, but I certainly had feelings and would have shared them more if someone could reach out to me.

In early psychotherapy I was told I would intellectualise, by a very intellectual fella. He could not be there for my heart stuff. It triggered him too much. He closed me down mid phrase a few times, so we did not talk about it and sat through some sessions in anguished silence. If I had someone who could have related to me back then (mid 1980s), life may have been different. It is what it is. But back then I did understand what projection was ... and I am now pretty certain he did as much projecting as any person ... tho he put it all on me ... even tho he has a head honcho psychiatrist and teacher of psychiatrists.

He did his best, but it was a very rocky fit ... re heart to hearts ... he also found it difficult to accept I was at good uni doing good work ... given my "background".

At least now I know I have been professional and can stand my ground but also not so vulnerable that I am defensive all the time.

I better get on with stuff.

Hugz

That would have been so hard and probably even set you back even further than when myou started with him @Appleblossom Professional support is essential but only if it is the right support - the wrong kind of therapy or - in your case - therapy that hurts more than supports your needs can do more damage when you are already completely vulnerable. It is great that you now know what will benefit you and what won't and can stand your ground when you know something isn't quite right.

I have just finished watching the series I was watching today so will get myself up off the couch and do a couple of things myself. As always lovely catching up with you today. Hope the rest of your day is a productive one

good night @Zoe7 , @Appleblossom , @MDT , @Snowie , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @Sam3

Hi @Shaz51

Thanks @Zoe7 It really does help to talk about past therapy with you. The main thing I have taken from it is that I turned up. Again and again, despite difficulties and bias. I needed it. I was isolated and my family did not understand or even really try to reach me. I was not trying to be difficult, but make it really easy for them, be cheerful, jump to volunteer etc. I connected better with the body of ideas in therapy than any one therapist. In some ways it could be seen as a career in therapy, but the alternative would have been death, so it was necessary.

Last night I joked and laugh about "being in one's head" with a scientist and talking about body issues which is pretty par for the course at my age. It was nice to feel somehow relevant and still light hearted. I am getting a sense of how long it really takes to develop relationships. Some of these people in the music scene I have known for 10 plus years and I keep bumping into people. I never really got that earlier because of all the moves as a child.

I dont have a bosom buddy type special person, but its even better that I have a range of people to relate with. I still feel awkward and tentative; session before last session I was a bit explosive, but sometimes it is met with strength and recognition. My anxiety lessens as I have a sense the choir wants me even if I am not perfect. I feel that in 2 choirs atm.

All my struggle to stay and bend my mind and heart to fit into the church choir was not wasted, as I had to process church stuff (and so has society and the justice courts) and I learned a lot of music, but it is no longer necessary. I dont feel such a square peg in round holes ... I am better at finding out what a good fit is, rather than whipping myself and forcing myself into a pattern for others. I would never have expected that for my students, but was unconscious about how much I did it to me.

I have a support worker today.

Hope your day goes well.