Am Not Coping

Yes @Former-Member those three wonderful people are 3 of the people I vale most highly on here as well - there are a few more than I can add in there but you certainly have picked out 3 of the best!

I am only going to say this once more - you are MY LITTLE CATERPILLAR - and you are already a beautiful butterfly to others. I am just very protective of you and always want to see you as a little caterpillar that I can look out for, help protect,help to grow and help to move forward. Sometimes in our lives we do cross paths with those that have a special placein our lives -for whatever reason - you hvae crossed my path - and you are special to me.

Tonight is the first time I really needed that one-on-one support with something away from anyone else - that does not mean that you did anything wrong - the issue I was dealing with just came upat exactly the same time as you were telling me about your friendship problems. I am sorry I could not have given you more support at the time - and if others had not jumped in to help I would have left the conversation I was having to support you - that should say everything to you - I would never leave you without support my little caterpillar - sometimes it just may comefrom someone else - but I am always there with you!!!!

Oh my little caterpillar - I think my post came across the wrong way to you @Former-Member

I'll put it another - a more succint way:

I care about you - you are my little caterpillar - you are important to me - I meant what I said to you the other day - that is why I don't want you to ever feel like you can't share here - whatever it is. This is YOUR safe place too @Former-Member - for anything!@

Oh WOW @Former-Member I finally saw your images - they are just beautiful - made me cry happy tears again. I'm going to print the first and last ones off and put together on my wall - you and me little caterpillar

Good morning everybody. @Former-Member, I was just reading through the conversation you had here with others after I went to bed last night. Those friends of yours sound painful!!! I have experienced conversations like that, and they suck! You led me to reflect on the upside of being a hermit. Even though I am acutely aware of my isolation, I definitely don't miss those sorts of conversations! I still seem to have them very occassionally, despite my hermitness. The one I REALLY hate is when, for some reason, I have shared with someone that "I have some mental health issues" and they laughingly respond with "oh we all have those." Really? So you've been locked up in a psych ward 40+ times too? You've gone through the trauma of police being called because someone thinks you are at risk of suicide? You have found yourself on the floor screaming and hitting your head against the wall in a public place? REALLY? Well if not, then don't make light of my situation by telling me that everyone has MH issues. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I don't know how much those "friends" mean to you, @Former-Member, but I know I am in a much better space now without "friends" like that in my world. I am now very much in a space where I don't give second chances on things like that - it hurts far too much. I simply ditch the person...which may of course partly explain why I'm a hermit @utopia is probably the better role model here - still working at educating people in such situations. Maybe down the track I will get into a headspace to be able to do that too.

@Former-Memberyou also mentioned getting your thyroid checked. I would strongly recommend this. I discovered about 18 months ago that I have thyroid issues and I have really benefited from going onto medication for that. Without a blood test, it is pretty much impossible to distinguish between thyroid-driven depression and "other stuff"-driven depression. A couple of times over these past 18 months when I have been super depressed, I have asked my GP to re-do the blood test, to make sure the thyroid issue isn't a contributing factor. We do now seem to have that issue under control, so we know my big feelings are due to the other stuff. However, from now on I will always be mindful of mentioning to any health practitioner that I do have thyroid issues. So yeah, long story short, it is well worth getting that checked.

Regarding needles, do you want to know a secret? I'm not sure if this is actually a helpful thing to tell you or not but anyway...I regard getting a blood test as a socially approved form of SH. I actually get the same calming effect from a blood test as I do from SHing. It always amuses me if I have to go somewhere new for a blood test and they suggest that I look away. In my head I giggle and think "er...have you noticed the scars on my arm? I think I'll be ok."

I hope it was alright sharing that with you. I super hope I don't make you or anyone else feel uncomfortable. Maybe you will find it a useful way to reframe your fear of needles...or maybe you will just think I'm really weird.

Morning little caterpillar @Former-Member

I am so pleased you actually had a little sleep. I haven't - just laying down, resting, eyes closing then opening shortly afterwards - hope to catch up on a little sleep sometime today.

Have done a little more of my painting... will most likely change as I go along but I am at least doing some painting again...

@utopia @Former-Member

Thankyou both so very much for last night - it really did help. I do feel a little better about everything this morning - still a lot to process and work through but just having the positive connection and support again is a good start.

Hope you both have a great day. @utopia goodluck with the lawyer.

You will both be in my thoughts today

Zoe xoxoxo

morning by beautiful butterfly @Zoe7

i hope you do get some rest today, im still pretty tired myself but ive got studing to do so ill be catching up on that.

im glad your painting again. i love looking at them. i like this one. i can really understand what your saying but id love to know what your thoughts are around it, what made you decied to paint this one? only if you want to answer that