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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It sounds as if Fridays are going to be busy but great @Zoe7 - that was a very positive post and I am really happy for you

It seems the new school will be much easier for you - and the other staff members friendly and helpful today you - and appreciative - that has to be a plus - a real highlight at the a new work place - such good news

Poor Toby - it is so sad when our pets are sick - they can't tell us but throwing up - luckily on a hard surface I imagine - being near the back door - better out than in - and evidence that he was more than just flat - I do hope he is recovered to day - is he likely to have eaten something off -

Once Companion Cat was sick and threw up a big spider - possibly a huntman - it was grotesque - more than she could handle obviously - but she still ate spiders and if I sprayed them I had to find them before she did - eck - the things animals will eat sometimes

There are things to be ironed out in the coming weeks but you have done so much already - a couple of months ago you had so much pressure on you with HR and the principal and not knowing if you would have work this year and here you are - that is so encouraging

There is light at the end of my tunnel too - great to have a highlight of the day/week - whatever - to report and I am glad to read it

Dec

All of this looks like so much fun

And this

It just started raining here too - 🙂

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@eth @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member thanks the headache is pretty much gone. Take care of your good selves

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Glad to hear it @Sam3

Actually Im looking after hubby today. At a medical apt waiting now. Dont you get so tired of seemingly spending half your life in medical waiting rooms? Sigh.

Sherry 😕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes you must be in waiting rooms more than most @Former-Member. We’ve got dental checkups next week & I usually do 2 timeslots with 2 kids simultaneously at different dentists but there’s only 1 dentist available then & I’m having my checkup too so our family will be there for hours! How did hubby’s appointment go?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

❤️🦋 @Zoe7 .....

Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope @Sam3 @Former-Member @Owlunar @eth and everyone else passing through...

Toby seems much better this morning. He isn't back to his usual running around self just yet but he has been following me around again and not laying in one spot all morning. @eth It was funny that you nearly put an @ in front of his name - I do talk about him a lot and he is very well known here so sometimes it feels like he is part of the forum also 🐶

Whatever Toby had I seemed to have caught - spent the whole night and most of today running to the bathroom and then sleeping when I could. I think the worst has past now but definitely taking it easy for the rest of today. I am grateful that I didn't feel so unwell whilst at work.

It is much cooler here today so snuggled up in the doona is actually helping to stay warm as well as getting some rest and comfort. Toby is of course snuggled up close and Cat has wandered outside from her bedroom for the afternoon. She joined me in bed this morning again and it is lovely to wake up to her being there,

@Faith-and-Hope I am really pleased that you have been receiving calls from people to help with D2 and hope you find someone really lovely to fill that role. It will be such a relief for you to have that all sorted so you, Visual and S2 can all be able to go to your courses. Fingers crossed you find someone quickly Hon. I hope you have caught up on some sleep too - such a mess with missing your flight but glad you were able to organise one so quickly. Very much thinking of you today with all that is going on for you Hon

@Former-Member I hope the appointment with Hubby went okay and that you are having a better day today

@Owlunar It has been a good start at the new school - the kids are really lovely and so are the staff. I know there will be challenges but I will have to deal with them as they come up. We have a public holiday here on Monday so not back until Tuesday and then a day off on Wednesday so it will be another short week for me - hoping this gradual introduction to classes will help me settle in a bit more as well.

@Sam3 Gotten through the first week here and you only have a week until you begin your new job - very much hoping it is a good environment for you too Hon. Will be very interested to see how it all goes for you

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

So glad Toby is better than he was @Zoe7. I can’t stay on forum just now, but will be around on and off this evening. Take care. Hugs ❣️

Hi everybody 👋💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I going to try to watch the cricket tonight @Faith-and-Hope so will be on and off the forum myself. I am still feeling quite weak and lethargic so not even sure I will make it through the match. Toby is a lot better this afternoon - he seems back to his usual happy, playful self. Hope all is well for you there Hon - will try to catch you later

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

good news indeed @Faith-and-Hope , sorry a bit later xx

soo good that toby is feeling better but will be better when he gets back to himself @Zoe7

Hello @Owlunar , @Former-Member , @eth

Hello @Sam3 , slept better last night and a sleep this afternoon xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Toby really is a lot better tonight @Shaz51 - still super snuggly but much happier and brighter. Hate it when my little buddy is unwell but he was better enough this morning not to have to take him to the vet. Hopefully he continues to pick up over this evening and is back to his normal bubbly little self by tomorrow.

Going to head off forum now for a while and watch the cricket. Hope you have a relaxing night my sister

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