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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Keep us informed about Toby's conditions @Zoe7

Atm I am. Just watching a thunderstorm. Massive. Over NSW and Victoria lol

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That wouldn't have been nice to come home to @Zoe7.

My day has been quiet but OK thanks. I was really low in energy and spent it thinking about doing things but watching random stuff online instead. I've had a nice couple of hours with a happy crew sharing about their days 🙂 About to do pizzas (after doing the dishes I should have done this morning 😏).

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, @MDT and anyone who might be around also. Hope the day has had some good in it for you 👋🙂

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 and everyone else too.

Well that sounds like another very successful day! Really pleasing to hear. As no doubt the fact that your Hobart Hurricanes won last night was too? So you have wrapped up the #1 position in the comp.

You sound really happy about things at the school Zoe, and thats great. Things really are falling into place for you. And the public holiday next Monday is a fantastic way to help you ease back into the fray. How lucky was that? What is the holiday for btw?

Oh dear, poor Toby. The poor little guy sounds really sick. The fact he ate his dinner is a good sign however. Hopefully he just ate something he probably shouldnt have, which upset his tummy. You are right to keep a close eye on him though. Its really hard when we can tell something isnt right, but have no idea what the problem is. If only they could talk.

So ... its a long weekend now for you. Perhaps you will get a chance to catch up with your friend over the weekend? I know its pretty difficult to organise anything while you're working, but perhaps some opportunities may present themselves over the coming few days. Hope so.

Sherry 🌸

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It suonds wonderful your sharing time with your crew @CheerBear It was lovely today seeing all the kids run up to their parents after school - so many of the little preps looked so tired - it is a long few days for them. I imagine your LF were very tired the first few days they were back too but it is lovely that they all seem excited about their day today. Pizza for dinner sounds like a great idea - I am yet to do anything for dinner and I may even slip it tonight and get another eary night instead. Hoping my little one gets bit more life into him by morning. How are Noodle and Mouse coping with Rocket now?

@MDT I hope those thunderstorms do not last long or cause any damage - the flooding in northern Queensland has been horrendous - hoping our @Shaz51 is doing okay.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yeh @Zoe7

This part of the country hasn't seen rain for ages. Such a weird weather pattern we have here.

Hope you are okay @Shaz51

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I missed the win last night @Former-Member - went to bed only a few overs into the Renegades batting - was very tired. Recorded the rest of the match and watched the last few overs this morning whilst getting ready for work. We deserve the top spot though - it has been a great year for our team but it doesn't mean much if we don't do well in the finals and a few other teams are playing really well also so it could be some close matches to come.

Things will progressively start to fall into place as the weeks go on at work - once I have been to all classes at least once the kids will start to get used to having me there asa well as the teachers. I have been really welcomed by everyone so far though and that has been really lovely to be part of. I have actually really enjoyed being in the lower grades classes - the kids are adorable and really wanting to learn so that makes it nice to be around too. I am very much hoping that this good feeling continues and I think the more I get into the actual work the better I will feel.

The public holiday here is for Regatta day - much like show day but the event is free to enter and there are a lot more water sports on the harbour. It makes it a long weekend for us and that is nice to have even if it is at the beginning of the year. It means the kids had 3 days at school this week and then 4 next week so it is kind of an easing into school for them as well.

I don't think I will have a chance to meet up with friend this weekend - got a lot to do around my house while I have the time to do it. I know his house is now on the market also so not sure about inspections or open homes for that either - and haven't received any messages from him all week but that could be because he has been super busy gettng the house ready. Not too fussed about it really - it is what it is.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

We have little preppies just in the last couple of days @Zoe7 and I love seeing them with their parents 😊😁 My younger two both did a run and dive at me excited about sports today (one in particular is never excited about sport!). Big has been sitting having a cup of tea reading through some news articles at their desk on their new laptop getting ready for a conference they're hoping to score a ticket to. How this kid seemed to grow up so much overnight is beyond me. As is how I could have a child old enough to be doing these things at all!

Rocket is hilarious and absolutely full of life which annoys the heck out of Mouse and Noodle still 😆 They're all allowed out together for longer stretches now, though I have to put little Rocket away at night to give the big two a break as she never stops going. Noodle plays with her sometimes and Mouse tolerates her sometimes. I caught Mouse letting Rocket lick her ear today for about 3 seconds and called it progress 😉

More hugs for Toby and 🤞 he feels better soon. Better get those pizzas done!

💗 to all

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

If only those areas that needed rain would get it @MDT - that would be wonderful.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

They do grow up so fast @CheerBear It is lovely that Big is so into their work and has a goal in mind too. You certainly sound like a very proud mum Hon The other 2 excited about sport is wonderful - especially the one that never really has been - that is great to hear.

I love hearing that Noodle and Mouse are tolerating Rocket more - they seem to be finding a way to live together. It can be so hard getting cats to get on so that is real progress. Rocket will be a ball of energy for a bit longer yet so it is good that you give the other 2 some space at night. Cat loves having her own room to get away from Toby - I occasionally see him laying at the gate 'supervising' her but he never tries to get in. He also can't jump on the bed so Cat often sleeps there too. Most mornings she comes in to wake me up also now - which is very cute.

Hope your pizzas are a hit tonight - I can definitely feel that I will be having an early night - super tired now so might be able to check in with you later or it might be tomorrow - let me know how they turn out

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Indeed @Zoe7
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