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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Enjoy those drinks @Former-Member After the day you have had it is no wonder you are partaking in a beverage or two. Enjoy Hon.

It looks like the Strikers will do it easy now. They have batted well though.

We do have 2 more games left so should finish either first or second - depending on other results though.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

The game is so boring now that even Toby has taken himself off to his bed in the bedroom lol @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

I don't think I will be far off bed myself. Still waiting for meds to take effect but will snuggle into the warmth of the doona on this chillier night. Don't know what I will do when winter gets here - I do prefer the heat than the cold - maybe I should move to Perth

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I'm going to head off forum @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Hope you have a reasonable nights sleep Sherry. I know it has been a very difficult day for you and there are to be some tough times still to come - always here with you Hon

F&H - hope your day is a good one - counting down the days now - can't wait

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sorry your father had to be such a downer @Zoe7 - you didn't need that

What a pity he couldn't just have been helpfully understanding and given you the paternal support that would have been so beneficial - and right now when things are so much up in the air with a new start - dúh

I'm looking forward to what you hear tomorrow

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Owlunar It certainly was not what I needed. I will let you know when I find out tomorrow. Heading off for the night now - Goodnight

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Nite @Zoe7
I'm unaware of what happened about your dad so I'll have a look back over it

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes @Zoe7 , very true. The game is pretty much finished. Though Weatherald just got out. I was hoping he'd get his 100.

Oh goodness, I cannot agree with you about heat. I would choose cold weather over hot any time. I figure its easier to get warm, than to get cool.

Well, I hope tomorrow brings you some good news early, re your new school placement.

And hi @Faith-and-Hope , thanks for those encouraging 'support' buttons you've been giving me. I hope you get to enjoy your remaining couple of days overseas. The long trip home soon, and maybe some jetlag to overcome initially. Zoe, please dont forget to tag me onto the welcome back thread when you open one.

I hope you sleep soundly Zoe. Im looking fwd to learning your new grade/school too.

@Sam3 I hope you have received your formal offer employment today?

Sherry 💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member I will certainly include you in the welcome back thread Hon and let you know when I hear about the new school. It could happen anytime today - it all depends on when the Principal gets back to HR and then they need to call me. I am excited that it may be very close to me and therefore I won't have to travel far but until it is all finalised I need to keep a lid on it. Hopefully it will be a nice school and nice staff and I fit in there okay.

@MDT My father upset me by hanging up on me. To cut a long story short he got angry that I hadnt heard anything about school yet and when I tried to explain that there was nothing anyone could do until HR heard from principals he got angry at me and hung up. It really upset me as you could imagine.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Indeed that would upset me too @Zoe7
The reality is that you are doing all you can. That's all that matters. If he can't see that or accept then it's his issue.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

He was apparently pretty upset with himself afterwards so that at least shows me he knew he had absolutely done the wrong thing @MDT I needed his support not his anger at the situation.

Still waiting here to find out anything - bet it won't be until this afternoon which will be too late to visit the school. I really should get moving and get things done around here to occupy the waiting time but been sitting close to the phone lol

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