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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That is not good re the chemist @Former-Member Hope you get that sorted quickly tomorrow but such a pain having to go back. I don't have to do my weekly pickups anymore and that is a huge deal for me.

You have signed up for a week to a gym - go you. I can't wait until my pool is open again in normal times as I really miss that - but they are only open until 11.30am at the moment and that is too early for me. I want to get into the routine of going after work to relax but they don't open again that late for another week.

I need to get back into some routines as well before work goes back and the reduction of one of my night meds was supposed to help with that with me nt being so tired in the morning - so far that hasn't happened!

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Former-Member Hope you get some rest

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

..sounds good @Zoe7 posted here before but hot as hades, 45, had sickie, well for survival sake not sure what could have done at work.. anyway just had a nap and now there's a thunderstorm so hopefully that brings the temperature down a bit, today at least

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Medication issues are always frustrating @Former-Member@Zoe7

Whole family is at the Big Smoke in a theatre - we’re waiting to see The Illusionists- do you think The Mentalist might cure me?!

@TAB @MDT@eth

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yes @Sam3 lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

haha @Sam3 I suppose anything is worth a try

@TAB That is so hot - no wonder you didn't want to work - that kind of temperature is unbearable on it's own. Hope the temp decreases for you - I don't know how you cope in that kind of heat

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

well I dont know how i got through yesterday when it was 39 re working in an even hotter place with mask on except on breaks, handrails on stairs almost too hot to touch. Smelter furnace area. I'm 56, have a uni degree. I'm mad. anyway now not smoking, well that probably ate up $20k pa before tax time to consider lower paid easier work again. Like in a library or something just started pouring down here. And.just this second got a txt telling me not to go there tomorrow .. hmm guessing that means dont go back altogther. Could have done with the money, but it had to be on my terms re heat etc oh well, will ring work and see whats going on, whether going back there or not

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Ringing is probably a good idea - then you will know where you stand @TAB

I hope the temperatire is dropping with the rain.

It sounds like you need to look for something less dirty and hot - I have always thought a nice quiet library job would be perfect too

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I will be re ringing, or may even make a personal appearance lol yeah my tools are still there, well they are at this stage. yes, was only a year or so ago when last wondered re library eg, pay wasnt brilliant but there were location incentives for being here and that would probably be a good way to 'get in' because of location. would require training tho and that's not transferable to anything else if cant get work, been telling self want to do certIV TAE dunno, got to find something else @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It certainly seems like you need to look for something different @TAB A Cert IV would be a good start - any idea what you would do it in?

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