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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi again @Zoe7

Australian Colonial History - aw - I got that in year 3 through to year 9 - and I do remember something but I think I switched off from bordom until I realise my ancestors were safe in England and Ireland all that time - I have to be ironic about that

Actually I feel really British - but the good news is in Year 10 I got to learn Pacific History

Now I find History very interesting and I reflect that when I was young history seemed to me to be a lot of unrelated data and in my later life this started to come together into a "whole" which I find incredibly interesting

But how can we teach that to young minds?

I have an idea though - I remember making a diorama - in case that's the wrong word - I had a shoe box with tiny models in it - this was supposed to be a First Fleet.

When I taught CRE I did a lot of visual aids - suddenly the lights of interest have come on - teaching with visual aids got the kids attention - I guess you do this -

I am just grabbing bits of my memorial moments in the class room as a student and as a child - and when it came to British history I learned so much reading politcal literature of the time - you know - the great satirists

I am getting wound up - history - I love it

Colonial days though - the First Fleet, convicts, corrupt Government, aborigines and weather the colonials didn't understand

And only 3 lessons - if I can help with less than new ideas - please give us a hoy - otherwise - I wish you the best -

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I will have to be really concise with what I end up doing @Owlunar - there is a curriculum to follow that I haven't completely looked up yet and I should have some planning from previous years (if I can find it). I am restricted in what I can use as I don't have access to the starboard (large monitor connected to the computer) or the computers the kids can use - it will need to be handouts mainly they can work from. I still have to think about that a bit more... I will wait until tomorrow though to discuss it with the teachers who also do DBT - they may have some planning all ready to go and can help me out to get started.

I will let you know though how I am going with it all.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

HMorning @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope Thanks for thinking of me. 💜💖🌸🌷

Everything still feels like a nightmare.

Need to do something today though, even if it’s just the washing.

Eyes aren’t leaky so far, that’s something.

I hope you make it to the pool Zoe.

Uni has finished up here. When do you finish up Faith and Hope?

ill pop on here when I can.

☕️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

good to see you back @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

As I said last night @Former-Member It is so good to have you back - even though the circumstances are still really difficult for you

I am resting up this morning before the pool - I really should go although I don't feel like it as after this week I don't know when I will be at work next week and that may mean it is a pool day so I will miss out.

Pop in when and if you can Hon - it is always lovely to see you here and we will support you in any way we can

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Really good to see you too @outlander

Missed you. Was going to pop around the forum eventually and say hi.

Feeling vulnernable still.

💜💖☕️👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I see our buddy @MDT is behind the support button - I hope your trip is going well - can't wait to hear all anout it when you return

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I understand the not feeling like it bit @Zoe7 I have to push every day. It is hard.

Think I’ll try a shower to see if it helps me get motivated.

And another coffee.

Thankyou so much for making me feel welcome. 😘💖

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh Hon you are more than welcome - it is a delight to have you back @Former-Member 💐🌷🌸🌺

I'll check in throughout the day to see if you have been about - in the meantime I will be sending you huge hugs to help you get through today

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thats ok, no rush or pressure, just glad to see you @Former-Member
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