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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks Hon - I am doubting so much atm and that is just something else to add to my list

How has your shopping and printing gone today? Did you get everything done you wanted to @Faith-and-Hope?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Ours is one of the last courses to finish for the year @Zoe7, so I got a rude shock when I rocked up to the library and it is closed now on weekends ..... but there was a printer stationed nearby, so I was able to print from my phone anyway .... 😊 have learnt that much .... 👍

Shopping is getting done. D3 has joined me in the city, which is great, but now everything is taking twice as long .... lol .... but like a two-headed horse .....

P.S. I went to find an image of a two-headed horse to post, but it was too weird for me ....,

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

By the way, my cold seems to be lifting this afternoon @Zoe7 ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

lol I think a 2 headed horse would be weird @Faith-and-Hope

I hope you still get everything done even with D3 with you - I prefer to shop on my own also - get things done I need to and get out of the city. I found out today that we are having christmas at my sister's place as her partner's parents and sister and her family are all coming down. That means we will have a secret santa present to buy as well as for my family - I am not sure what I am going to get everyone this year but it won't be much because I can't afford it. Just another thing to add to my failure list today ...and yes I hope I can pull myself out of this by Monday - but really feeling it still this afternoon.

Your niece is already calling out for her food and she is getting on my nerves - but it is not her fault so I will put up with it for another half an hour.

I am glad you managed to get your printing done - would have been a surprise when you got to the lbrary and it was shut

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am so happy your cold seems to be lifting @Faith-and-Hope Maybe an early night last night was just what you needed to help

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Maybe consider baking a Christmas sweet for everyone @Zoe7 ..... I have a truffle recipe that uses fruit cake as it’s base, so so they are impressive for not much work ..... presented wrapped up in cellophane, they would make lovely gifts for not-so-much outlay.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You should post that when you can @Faith-and-Hope I'm sure others here would love to try it as well. When we find out who we have drawn then my sister will help me with a gift - she will also help me out with money if I need it. I hate asking but I may have to - will see how the next couple of weeks goes.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am sure I will find the recipe online somewhere, and I will post it to the Munchies thread @Zoe7.

i am glad you have your sister to help you Hon .... that is special.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I have gotten messages from my mum and dad today too - mum tried to send me a photo but it didn't work so dad sent it instead - mum is not great with technology but dad is getting better at it lol

I think I am going to have to make a really big decision here Hon and tell them what is going on - I can't keep dealing with this principal and all her shite and have my family angry as well - it is too much to deal with. I feel like everything is going downhill and I can't keep it all up @Faith-and-Hope I honestly do not know what to do

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Maybe talk it out with your psych first @Zoe7, so you get it sorted in your own head about how you want to approach things and what you want to tell ? It can also be done through a family counselling session so you have the full support of your therapist there .....

I expect your family love you very much and will support you if they know ..... it’s the tell g of it that will be hard .... but you can also decid how much to tell, or how much to tell at a time.

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