Am Not Coping

I have seen you under the support button many times @Sans911 and it lifts my spirits everytime - I know that is all you have been able to mange and that is more than ok Hon

Thank you for you kind words - they really do help - especially at those times when I am doubting myself and my ability to do this job - but I am not going to let this principal beat me - it really feels like that is what she is trying to do but I have news for her ...it is not going to work In saying that - I don't know how much more of this constant supervision and subsequent copious amounts of notes I can take - I can only do what I can with what she has given me and it does feel like she is making a point of attacking everything that isn't perfect. I think the expectations from the beginning were excessive - considering I had no idea of the systems and procedures that the normal teacher has in place nor the school rules ...all of that could have been given to me first. I am literally learning here on the run and that is not an easy thing to do at the best of times.

When it comes down to it I can only do what I can do and that has to be enough for me or I won't get through all this.

Hi @Sans911 .... 👋❤️

@Zoe7, the principal may be over-reaching in behaving this way - by that I mean that her behaviour will show up to more that just you ..... the HR person will be able to read that she is being excessively critical and only supportive “to the letter of the law”. I can see no sustainable reason why you ought not be able to sit in on the regular classroom teacher’s lesson, and for every effort to have been made to provide you information, insight and support. The absence of these things speaks volumes, which I believe the principal won’t be taking into account. Gently raising the requests in front of third parties makes her accountable for her behaviour, where it appears she thinks she doesn’t need to be ..... until she is in that moment and having to save face.

I know what you mean @Faith-and-Hope but I am also conscious of the fact that it is ultimately her that I need to work with to get through all this - there is certinly a real sense of power that she holds in all this but I will be interested to see how the HR person handles it all. What it comes down to now is that I need my hours increased and I can only do that if I am seen to be handling what we are doing now - so putting on a happy face and a stiff upper lip is what I need to do regardless - it is not an ideal situation at all but there is a real sense of fear on my behalf that she won't agree to the increase in hours - this is entirely in her hands which makes it so much harder to deal with.

I do believe that there is a real sense of discrimination happening here that would not be an issue if I was coming back from a purely physical illness but that is the world we live in and I have to 'suck it up' - I would love to be a guiding light here to stop this but I know I won't get through it if I challenge it all as well - that is super tough for me to deal with.

Continuing to walk forward in your own integrity is the best way to challenge it @Zoe7 .... even better if you can keep a gentle smile in your face. Truth has a power of its own, and so does good grace (graciousness). Just keep being you and taking smaller baby steps when the going gets rough .... but keep going regardless. Others will notice that the road has been made steeper for you than it needs to be, and they won’t like that either, because it’s not right.

I do feel like I am trying to overcome my health issues as well as the power imbalance going on here @Faith-and-Hope but I also need to stay true to myself and protect myself - such a hard balance to achieve and also deal with my MH issues along the way.

I don't like this principal either so that is making this so much harder - she may have good intentions but I haven't seen them - that may be me being overly critical as well - such a hard situation.

Anyway - enough about me - how is your day going Hon?

So far so good @Zoe7. I came to the art markets to pick up some supplies for work this week, and now I am on my way home to start on some paintings I need in my visual diary for tomorrow ..... and then it will be a scrub-up of the diary for my presentation.

I have time, so I am trying not to think beyond the next baby step.

Sounds like you are on top of it all Hon - so good to hear

It is great that you are taking your time to do what you need but not getting too far ahead of yourself either @Faith-and-Hope.

How is your throat and cold today - hope you are feeling a lot better

My throat is no longer sore, but it is still a bit mucky .... hoping the warm weather here today helps to clear that away, but I am feeling much better within myself .... not A1, but it could have been much worse. My immune system is holding up .... 👍

Keeping your balance is the most important thing @Zoe7, and you are doing so well ..... so proud of you, as I know other forum friends are too ..... maybe not all of us would be able to hold our tongues, but perseverence and balance is what you need most of all right now.

Hugs 💚🦋

So glad you are feeling a little better - I was afraid that this ould take hold of you and set you back in your uni work also - but you seem to be on top of it @Faith-and-Hope I hope it continues to improve for you and disappears quickly.

I know I have support here to get through all this and that honestly means the world to be right now - I also have the support of my psych, gp and pdoc so having that all in place will help also. Trying to compartmentalise the different aspects of my life and finding that balance between work and other things will be the key moving forward but I can also only do that if all things fall into place ok. It is going to be a tricky balance at times - I know that and am worried about it also - but trying not to worry about more than I am currently presented with as that will make this all too much to handle.

💚🦋🌷 @Zoe7 .....