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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It has been a full-on night for me tonight. My sister came around for dinner but came an hour earlier than I thought she would and didn't leave until nearly 10pm. As lovely as it was to spend some time with her I still had planning to finsih off - nearly done ...Science is all sorted just need to finish off Maths but can do some of that in the morning. Having a break from it for now and will do a little more before I go to bed tonight.

@Faith-and-Hope I won't lie - my heart did sink when I read about the posting overseas stuff and I am more than a little deflated to think it may possibly be many weeks that you are away and we may not be able to connect - not sure how I will cope with tht if that is the case Hon Great to hear your major work is coming along

@Shaz51 I am pleased to hear your Mum is home again and I hope she is in good spirits. Not so good to hear about Mr being anxious though

@BlueBay I know things are still really tough for you but you have been doing a great job in reaching out on the forum and that shows strength - even more so that you are supporting others and in such a wonderful way - yes I have seen your interactions with Razzle and you are having a great discussion and helping each other

@Pepsimax I saw Law and Order began again last week and thought of you - know you love that show - hope you watched it tonight

@Maggie You know I think of you often and your support over the last couple of days has been heartwarming for me - you are a treasure Hon = I hope you know that

...and for everyone else passing through I hope you have all had an ok day and night and that tomorrow is a better one for everyone.

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Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 ❤️

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Re: Am Not Coping

Still waiting on image @Faith-and-Hope - are you still up?

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Hi to anyone who is still up I'm not my usual self the last few days..

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Yes, still up @Zoe7 ..... preparing for tomorrow’s classes too 😏

I have emailed the mod team for clarification @Zoe7. As you know, I have been able to post while travelling overseas before, so I didn’t anticipate that I wouldn’t be able to this time ..... let’s see what they say.

@oceangirl .... hugs ❣️

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I do hope you can still post @Faith-and-Hope - not only do I love hearing about your adventures (and the cat photos lol) but I honestly don't know what I would do without being able to hear from you - I have kind gotten used to having you around - a bit like my forum security blanket I do hope it all works out - and not just for my own selfish reasons but I know how much support you get out of the forum too Hon.

Do you have much more work to do tonight? I will be up for a little longer as took my meds super late after my sister left - forgot to take them earlier but it has worked out ok because I have been able to do a bit more planning.

Hi @oceangirl

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Hi @Faith-and-Hope

When are you heading off overseas?

Hi @Zoe7

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Hi @Zoe7 ..... 💚🦋💕

Just getting organised in the art space. I was in the “home” unit before.

Yes, when things go wonky when we are travelling, I sorta rely on having the support of the forums when I can’t access support anywhere else I am in the moment, and I certainly can’t start trying to explain the whole situation to anyone without being told that my husband needs help, and he needs it now ..... and then have to explain that he doesn’t think he is unwell, and is unapproachable about it, and we are balanced on a 5

tightrope wire in order to cope.

Hi @oceangirl ..... 👋💕🌷

I am sorry you are not feeling great. Have you spoken to your dr. about it ?

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It would definitely make life a lot harder for you Hon without the support from here - I really hope it doesn't come to that but there have been so many changes lately that I won't be holding my breath. I hope for you it can be worked out @Faith-and-Hope

I am just doing a little more Maths planning - think I have the basis of it done and now just need an assessment task and a task for those who need extension work - can hopefully manage both of those in the morning. I am missing quite a lot of my resouorces - some I know are in the spare room behind all the boxes but some of my shapes stuff is missing - really have no idea where it is

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Love the image @Faith-and-Hope

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