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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Jerseys good @, she’s sitting on her bed ignoring us!!! she turned around snd is staring at the wall!!! So funny.- ha ha @BlueBay

Toby loves playing with the birds @Zoe7

I remember with my cat missy , if she did not come in at 6pm , shewould then stay out until 9pm

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Cat would stay out all day if she could sleep in the sun but it hasn't been warm enough for her to do that today @Shaz51 Both Cat and Toby are liking daylight savings (and so is there mummy lol) as they can spend a bit longer out at night and then come in for their nightime biscuits and head to bed. Toby doesn't spend long outside though unless I am out myself - he still follows me around like a little shadow.

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Re: Am Not Coping

Stopping by to say goodnight @Faith-and-Hope Your neice and nephew are asleep and I am hoping I won't be too far behind. I hope you have had a good evening - catch you tomorrow Hon 💕🌹🎨🐶😺

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Craft workshop was lovely @Zoe7 .... we helped to make a giant wreath to be presented tomorrow. It was a calming, mindfulness sort of activity, and D3 and I spent the whole day out ....

Goodnight Hon .... catch you tomorrow 💚💜💤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Glad you and D3 had a good day out yesterday @Faith-and-Hope

I have slept most of this morning - so tired Think it is being worried about tomorrow. I have an idea what I am going to do just need to put it into practice tomorrow.

Will make a plan tonight and print it out to take with me tomorrow. I am confident I can plan the lesson - just not confident my anxiety will stay in check. I am worried about how I will go that is for sure but no doubt the Principal will be hanging around to see how I am doing - that adds more concern but is also a good thing - very conflicted on that. There will be a lot of learning that I need to re-do myself and I can only do tht by being there - so it is a double-edged sword.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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Hearing you @Zoe7 .... 💚🌷

Keep your brave on Hon, and just keep taking those baby steps in their moment ..... you’ve got this ..... ❣️

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Thanks Hon - I know I can do it just need this first day under my belt to prove tht to myself.

How has your day been @Faith-and-Hope?

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I have hit a flat day again @Zoe7 .... but they are on my flight path, as we know ..... so it’s a matter of respecting thstvand keeping as busy and distracted as I can manage. I have been for a walk instead of going to church, had a crepe for breakfast, and am getting my problem nails seen to as I type (under the dryer).

How am I doing ? 😏

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Battery all out .... back later.

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Re: Am Not Coping

It seems like you are doing a great job at staying distracted Hon and your get your nails done at the same time so that is an added bonus @Faith-and-Hope

Do you have things planned to fill in the afternoon too? Are you up for doing some art work or still working into that headspace?

I have been searching for images to use tomorrow - have a few but need some more. They are looking at classifying living and non-living things so it is a lesson plan that I am fairly familiar with - just need to organise it all and write out a lesson plan - makes it easier for the lesson if you have a plan to follow with times recorded to change activities ...that also seems to make the lesson go quickly as well.

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