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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

way to go @Zoe7 your roses are lovely xx

my succulents are growing soo much , I will have to replant them and they have all going to flower soon @CheerBear

I cant wait to show you when the flowers come out @Faith-and-Hope and our dove orchids are out which means it is going to rain soon @utopia xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Is it scented @Zoe7? There are some stunning roses around at the moment. The colours and fragrances 😍 That sounds like a very special one and would be so lovely in your garden.

I'm not traveling totally awesomely today. I have a sinus infection and asthma, both probably made worse by being run down in general, and being sick is definitely not what I need right now. I'm on antibiotics and have proper meds for the asthma as of last night so hopefully it will pass soon. Thanks for asking though ❤

I did manage to spend a little time in the garden today and planted some new seedlings with the help of my new friend, which was great. The veggie garden is pretty full now. Really hoping it all grows well 🙂

Sounds awesome @Shaz51. There ar2 some very cool flowers that come from succulents!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I remember you saying your succulents were growing really well @Shaz51 Dove orchids are so beautiful - please post an image if you can

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

They are not scented @CheerBear but the colours are gorgeous. I have a lot of white roses also throughout the garden and against the grey fence and the green foliage they really stand out.

I have been following you CB and know you haven't been well on top of everything else you have been dealing with - we often get ill when we are run-down and have outside pressures on us - I wish it was different for you Hon

I hope your veggie garden grows well - we have perfect weather here atm for growing - sunny days and a little rain now and then - my seedlings are really growing well - just need to remember to water them when we have a few sunny days in a row.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Ooooh that rose is gorgeous @Zoe7 ...... thank you 🤗💚💐💕

We went to the old gaol today .... ✅ ..... walked our tooshies off. It was good and tiring, so will hopefully sleep well tonight, especially after a pool walk as well, which is where I am headed next. My head is spinning with all the history.

That sounds like soooo much to deal with @Shaz51. No wonder you are going through the motions with dinner prep. What a lovely customer to cut up the pumpkin for you, and roast pumpkin is delish!! Gotta keep looking after you Hon, especially while there is so much to look after with everyone else ..... ❤️🌷

Hi @CheerBear. I hope you are well and that you on the mend now, with asthma-specific medication ..... and hopefully some rest in there somewhere too .....: 💐huuuugz ❣️

Hi to anyone else around .... 👋💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

There are 3 flowers on the bush atm and several more buds ready to bloom @Faith-and-Hope They should be out in the next couple of days

You have done a lot today already and heading to the pool soon will undoubtedly tire you out to sleep well tonight. I am very much hoping I am asleep much earlier tonight otherwise it will be diffiult to get through tomorrow. DBT only goes for 2 hours but it is sitting the whole time and that is tiring in itself - then I have to wait for my pdoc appointment. I also need to call into Big W on the way home to get a couple of things - didn't do it today as it was out of my way and I didn't feel like taking another detour. Figured it is on my way tomorrow so best to fit it in on the way home.

The history of the old goal is amazing but it is one place in Melbourne I havent visited. Everytime we had planned on going something else had come up or the tour we wanted to go on wasn't available - maybe next time I take a trip to Melbourne I can go there - I know I would love it.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thank you @Faith-and-Hope, I have this big headache tonight , so I am going to ring mum and then maybe go to bed xoxo

take the photos of the dove orchids tomorrow @CheerBear, @Zoe7

and wishing my succulents flowers will hurry up xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Lok after yourself @Shaz51 - sounds like an early night is what you need my sister

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sorry I dropped out there @Zoe7. Kids to see to.

Your garden sounds beautiful. We've had great growing weather too but sometimes it's still getting a bit cold. So glad you have such a lovely sounding garden. I find gardening so good for the soul.

Thanks for your understanding. I'm so tired it's bananas 😏

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope too. Hope you do sleep well after your big day ❤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No worries at all @CheerBear Thought it might be dinner time for you and the LF and know you have things you need to do with them too. I am not far from heading off myself. Want to do a little painting before I settle in for the night and hopefully get an early night. Also have a coupe of things to do before DBT tomorrow - and should do them tonight just in case I run out of time in the morning.

I do love this time of year - the days are getting longer, the weather is getting warmer, the flowers are out and that makes each day just that little bit brighter

Do you have any plans for tomorrow CB?

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