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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 .....

It was a panic attack in the baby dragon, and I am glad they called for support to make their way through it. The other one had an altercation with mr. in the early hours this morning for not having gotten itself uo

and going yesterday, but they met their personal goal of getting the bulk of sleep time back into sleep time ..... and they are sleeping around 12 hours a day at the mo ..... no doubt recovering a sleep debt, and relieved that their studies are still in board their little boat after the last round of storm.

Your day sounds lovely Hon, and relaxing, even though there is work involved, because it is the sort of work you enjoy.

I think I will start to relax once I have got a few study things sorted out and harnessed to their concrete form - visual diary, Word docs, materials sorted, etc ..... I need to shellac something this morning and I don’t know whether it will enhance it or reduce its beauty ..... so the best thing to do is just do it ..... and then I will know one way or the other .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Not good about the b.d. panic attack but great they asked for support - that is progress Hon. I am sure the other b.d stood their ground with Mr. - I know how hard it is to get thst sleep needed and sorted to reasonable hours and it is a process often that takes time. I hope your baby dragons get there soon @Faith-and-Hope

It does sound like you have a lot to do today - pace yourself Hon and you will get it done. I hope the piece you are working on is enhanced. I can imagine your reluctance though when you have done something you think is just right and then wondering if the final step will wreck it in some way. Goodluck with that Hon.

The patch I want to work on is still a bit wet today so it might need to wait to be weeded until tomorrow - I will see how it is in an hour or so. Hopefully I will be able to do some of it when my sister's dog is here - if I give him a ball he should be happy for a while. Toby will try to help me in the garden lol but he usually sits or lays down on the edge and watches. He is a great supervisor lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

😊 @Zoe7 ......

Hi to anyone else here ..... 👋💕

I will hopefully be popping in and out across the weekend and catch up with everybody progressively.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Been to Bunnings @Faith-and-Hope and got the rose I wanted so that is one thing sorted for today. Next is to get it in the garden and the seedlings I bought last week planted.

Did you end up getting your lamp from Bunnings?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope Rose planted as are two creepers I got and plants moved that I wanted to move. Now just have the potting mix to spread over the garden and dig in and then I can plant my seedlings. That might be a tomorrow job though. Need a rest before my sister gets here and chaos reigns for a short time lol

Hope you are getting things done progressively too

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I took some time out for a massage @Zoe7 ..... long overdue, and I was feeling the build-up of tension in my physical body from everything that has been happening lately. That will set me up better for the work I have to get done this weekend, even though it took time out too ..... and I managed to get some errands off my to-do list at the same time, which brings things down a notch too.

I have put the first treatment on my art project before I sent out this morning, and it has just changed it ..... bit better or worse, just different. I’m cool with that 😎

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It is lovely to hear that you took time out for yourself Hon and had a massage. I hope that eases some of that tension and you can getnthings done over them weekend. Sometimes different is ok too - it may not be what you expect but that can be a surprise, a nice surprise even @Faith-and-Hope

My sister's dog is settling in ok - both he and Toby are outside atm but that won't last long. One or both will be back on the couch soon. They get along really well although theydon't play together -Toby does jump on him sometimes and try to get him to play but he is like an annoying little brother and just ignores him lol

Im have done most of the washing up and am going to put some washing on soon - it is still a gorgeous day here and supposed to be like that for the next few days - definitely making me feel a little better and helping me get the gardening done.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I have just had a pear and walnut salad as a late lunch @Zoe7 ...... it was a nice follow-on from the massage.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I haven't had anything for lunch - will probably now have an early dinner instead @Faith-and-Hope - got busy with the garden and dogsitting and forgot to eat

Finished the washing up so another thing ticked off my list. The washing is next

At this rate I may even get to some more painting this weekend - now that would be something!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

🎉 That would be great @Zoe7 ....

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