Am Not Coping

DBT was okay today - felt really tired though and didn't contribute much at all. Then had psych appointment - it was more a check in to see how I was going. I didn't really have much to say today - it is not like it is going to be an ongoing relationship so I don't want to start something I can't finish - that makes it hard to really open up about anything. It is lovely that she is seeing me whilst my pdoc and gp are away but I do feel a bit like I am wasting her time. One more session with her next week and then we will be finished. I do think it has helped me knowing she is there as a support though - and I am definitely in a better place than I have been. It has also opened up the possibility that maybe it is time to see a psychologist again to go deeper into some stuff but I also don't want to undo what we have already done and be in a position to go backwards again - will discuss this all with my pdoc and gp when they are back.

Glad DBT went ok @Zoe7.

It is good having that support in place, but I can see how you don't want to start anything with just one session to go. I would probably feel the same.

Hugs hon

The two other members of the DBT gruop that I am closest to finish up next week @Snowie - that is going to make it hard. One of then said to me today that she is really going to miss me - that was so nice. The other one I have contact with outside of DBT so that won't change. I will miss seeing them every week though.

I am not good at talking about myself at all - so it makes the psych sessions harder too - we did talk about the meeting I went to and how invaluable the support on here is - and I talked a little about my relationship with my sister ...I could have gone into that further but it would have meant bringing up some things that I didn't want to go into - so much of my relationships with my family are intertwined into my history and keeping so much to myself over so long. It is super hard sometimes to negotiate that in any context.

@Zoe7 that will make DBT tricky. Perhaps you could arrange catch ups with both of them. Do you have any new people join the group if some people are finishing up?

You sound like me Zoe, I hate talking about myself too.

Baby steps remember hon...

There are still some nice people in the group and I cn hopefully catch up with the two that are leaving now and then - with one of them we message each other during the week already so I can't see why that would not continue.

Yes talking about ourselves is difficut @Snowie - I just find it hard to even find words - so much time keeping so much to myself and that does make it even harder to deal with things now. Most days it is even hard to tell myself that some things have happened - I am sure you have those moments too. It makes it very hard to move on if you can't face the oast in any way!

Yes, that makes perfect sense @Zoe7. Had my psych today and sometimes I speak so little in the session. It is super hard to speak about ourselves, especially when he wants me to talk about my emotions and feelings!!

Yes emotions and feeling are often hard to talk about @Snowie Recording them in the DBT diary card does help a little but I still find the 'talking' part really hard. I find that hard in most situations though - listening rather than talking is preferable!

Missed you tonight @Faith-and-Hope but hoping you are painting Hon.

My little buddy doesn't seem to be himself tonight - he is not snuggly and has been laying on his bed and then the floor - both of which he doesn't often do - so I am going to have to go early tonight and will put him on the bed and see how he is. I am worried about him - he looks so sad!

I am very tired too so maybe we just both need sleep and he will be better tomorrow - fingers crossed.

Goodnight my angel

I hope your little buddy is okay @Zoe7 ..... I am sorry to hear he is under the weather. I hope you both feel better in the morning ....

I have had a messy evening. I went to attend a support meeting, and ended up stuck for an hour in bad traffic .... the meeting was half way through when I got there, and they wouldn’t let me in (which is actually part of the rules), but having signed up for the evening, it felt strange to just turn around and go home without letting them know I had actually made it there, but there were unimpressed that I was so late, so it has left me feeling unsure about going back.

I have been going without dinner to be there on time, so this has shown me how hiit and miss it can be according to traffic, and while it was great initially to speak to them about our struggles and find that they ubderstood what we are going through, they can’t do anything more than listen, which is what I have right here .....

Maybe the art space will create enough space-space that we can manage our holding pattern, without stretching in this direction too.

P.S. @Zoe7 .... I have been drawing tonight in my visual diary.

P.P.S. ..... my mr. liked my little town painting .... 😯. Step 2: getting him and the kids to paint one for themselves.

Hi @Sans911 @outlander ..., 👋🤗💕