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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Kids are making their own way here @Zoe7 ..... should be here soon.

i have taken the bulk of

the art gear across

to the art room. It was a

roomful, so it has made a

huge difference to the tidiness of our home unit, as it was always going to ..... just on set of art shelves, an easel, and a stool to go, but that will be after the weekend now.

I will start unpacking tomorrow, which includes taking another small household worth of stuff to

the rental unit ..... and I fixed a broken coat stand today that was holding handbags, scarves, hats, jackets etc ..... another big tidy-up difference there.

G’night .....💤💤💤💤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You had a busy night and were up late again @Faith-and-Hope I bet it is making a difference for you having things tidied up a bit more though.

I have struggled to get moving today - up very early again but did have another sleep on the couch. I am now filling in time until the footy starts. Got to get the washing hung out and maybe the washing up done. Cutting Toby's hair and the vacuuming cn wait until tomorrow though.

Hope D1 and SiL arrived safely and have a great day today

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

They popped in on their way out this morning to say hello @Zoe7, although I saw them in last night as well. All decked out in gold and blue .... 😏 .... we are .....

What time does the game start ? Mr.f&h is bringing back lunch from The Coffee Place for us to park up in front of the game ..... I don’t usually like watching on Tv, but I will today. Might have a nap somewhere in there as well. Depending on the game, it might be then .... 😆

So Toby gets a reprieve today .... or is it you getting the reprieve ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Definitely me getting the reprieve - Toby thinks it is a game most times and is hard to handle when he is getting a haircut - it usually takes at least an hour once he stops wanting to play lol @Faith-and-Hope He desperatly needs a bath as well but I am hoping to get to the beach with him tomorrow so no point doing that today either!

I might fall asleep during the game too if it is not close - but if WC are in front then I may stay awake. I really hope they win for all you guys

I am going to set up for painting later also - I might not begin but at least having it all set up will be a huge step - just need to find that motivation next.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Zoe7 hope you enjoy the footy today. I am going to watch it too and I am going for the Pies. even though they are not my team i am a victorian!!!

Got my footy food ready - hot dogs, sausage rolls, cheese and biscuits and chocolate!!!! My D and Ayla are coming soon so we'll have a little footy party 🙂

It's raining here and cold - not a good footy day. Oh well have heater on and staying warm.

Let's hope its a close game, otherwise i am going to give up.

Chat to you later @Zoe7, take care

Hi @Faith-and-Hope hope you are well and enjoy the footy today with your family

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No footy food here today @BlueBay - couldn't be bothered going to the supermarket!

I am not a fan of the Pies at all so whoever they played I would be going for but I do like the WC Eagles and my Pop went for them ...plus @Faith-and-Hope and her family go for them so it was a no-brainer for me today. I do hope it is a good game though. Both teams played really well last week so hoping they bring that intensity today too.

Have a great time with your D and Ayla today - at least if the match is not close you have Ayla to play with

I have pegged the washing out and cleaned up Toby's toys so that is 2 things I have achieved today - net is tackling the washing up and then I will park myself in front of the tv for the game.

Have a great day BB - catch you later

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yeah @Zoe7 .... when I am not motivated to paint, I start setting up anyway so I am making moves in that direction in anticipation ......

Thanks for being on our team 😁 .....

Edited ...... pesky inebriated autocorrect fairy :face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @BlueBay ..... I hope you enjoy the footy party with D and Ayla ..... 😃

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Of course I am on your team Hon - any joy that can come to your family I am backing

Going to wear my Parramata Jersey as they are blue and yellow as well @Faith-and-Hope - at least I can get some use out of that top - Parra did end the season on the bottom of the ladder

I have my paints and the painting all out - just need to make a small space on the table to put everything nd then I am ready to paint when I feel more in the mood

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I got the gist of it @Faith-and-Hope - think I speak pesky inebriated autocorrect fairy LOL - it is much like trying to decipher the kids spelling at school

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