Am Not Coping

You are right - I know that in my own mind but the emotional mind is winning out at the moment. I would usually leave the forum for some time and I haven't done that this time so far - I want to but I know I need to stay connected right now to help me get through. I had to use all the energy I had last night not to take those extra meds - I suppose we can see that as a win but it was extremely hard. Having that extra help from HC and the support of people here helped @Sans911

@CheerBear I suspected you were feeling a particular loss more than you would even recognise - I do very much understand that. Over the lst couple of months there have been severl losses that I haven't dealt with well - some on here and some IRL. I used to get through these by completely shutting down - now it feels like all those emotions that I have suppressed over many years are coming out. It is so very hard to deal with,

This is such a wonderfully supportive community and I need to trust in the support I have here and let you all help me through this.

@CheerBear Knowing that one of those losses for you is so intertwined with your time on here is very difficult to work through - the not knowing but hoping I find the hardest here as is the fact that someone so imoortant to us is suddenly not there. We know there are reasons in our own mind that we constantly mull over but what was once there and suddenly isn't is heartwrenching. There is no chance to say what we want to say and no chance for goodbyes ...in the hope here also that they will return again at some point - it is super hard to deal with when you feel the rug has been pulled from under you and you have no control at all in any of that. I do understand the pain CB and I do get the imoact this has had on you. Sitting with you always Hon

I think you put it into a nutshell @CheerBear, when you said that suppressed emotional pain multiplies in intensity .... compounds .... amplifies .... are other ways of saying this.

Although it doesn’t feel like much progress in the moment @Zoe7, unpacking suppressed emotions, even just through tears without even trying to put words and thoughts to it, is a releasing of suppressed emotion. The fact that you have worked at staying connected here through that process is actually an awesome achievement, and this is probably not ynconnected to what is happening in DBT too ..... sometimes one type loss can be the lynch-pin for releasing suppressed emotions in regards to other losses.

Even doing the artwork in my course is causing emotional releases for me, and I am becoming teary, and I am not the only one. I am seeing it in other class members too.

Yesterday I developed a migraine headache in class, painless, but disruptive to my vision in a rain-spatter effect that left me unable to see for a while. This used to happen to me many I years ago in the throws of my first family battles, and I have since learned it is a form of migraine - so I took some paracetamol and it went away as quickly as it came ..... but it was a sign of more release, and the need to be gentle with myself emotionally.

I don’t know what I would have done without the connectivity of the forums.

Keep swimming @Zoe7 ..... we are swimming with you .....

Edit to above -

That needed lots of these .... ❤️💜💚❤️💜💚❤️💜💚🦋💐💕

@Zoe7

Feels very much like I am treading water atm and the waves are crashing against me @Faith-and-Hope I know this will ease with time and I have to 'wait it out' but finding that very hard. The last time I crashed like this I nearly didn't make it - I do think I am further along in the battle though and maybe this time it will pass quicker - I hope so anyway! I have my fur babies to think of and I can already see it affecting Toby - he is extra snuggly and I have been pushing him away - that is never a good sign as to where I really am More little Toblerone cuddles are needed today to stop that slide.

I understand that release of emotions and how it can affect us physically - I am very aware of it being the cause of how sick I have been feeling the last couple of days but once those tears start it has been hard to stop them.

This will ease in time - I know that - but for now it feels impossible to get through and I am in survival mode - that is all I can del with right now!

You are doing so well @Zoe7 ...... 💐🦋💕

I am trying I find an (inexpensive) Strandbeest model for my bro as a birthday present this morning. It matches with his thinking and I will include a fact sheet on them and the weblink in his card when I post it - if I can find one ......

We also have to give class presentations in the next couple of weeks, one includes craftwork, so I am going to buy some card and make a folder to present it in. Just a simple one ......

That will involve visiting a craft store .... so please send out a search party if I am not back within a few hours ..... lol ..... I enter a magnetic maze at my peril ..... (are you hearing this @CheerBear ?)

oh dear @Faith-and-Hope - you in a craft shop - we may not see you again for days lol

That is what I am like in craft shops and Bunnings - both capture my attention and I can browse for hours. Speaking of Bunnings - I need to go there tomorrow to get something for my father for Father's day. I do not yet know if he is wants to do anything - he usually doesn't - so it may be a quick trip to my parents' place to drop off a gift and then straight home. I honestly do not want to go anywhere but I need to try to get there tomorrow. I still haven't got him a card - I looked the other day at the newsagent but there was not one that I liked!

Why don’t you make him a card @Zoe7 ?

@Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 afternoon f&h said hello in my thread this morning you've got me wanting to go to the craft shop now