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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Interesting you should say that @Faith-and-Hope There is a clock on the wall at the pool which I use when I am there to time my exercises. I wear a watch too but it is easier looking at the clock. I love some of the older style clocks on buildings and it is great that they are still kept and going - adds even more character to a place I feel.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sleep and the coming of daylight are both good for you @Zoe7 ..... so yes, that will certainly help, I’m sure.

That was so lovely of your sister to bring dinner over for you ❣️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Definitely @Zoe7, and it’s when the clock faces are lit up against a profile of the old buildings that is adorable ..... tonight there was a bright moon and lit up clouds behind one of them ..... and there are lots of ornate “look-outs” (for want of a better description) on top of the old buildings too .... like a little party hat .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes sleep and a new day are what I desperately need tonight Hon

It was lovely of her - I think there was an ulterior motive that she wants me to go around and helo give her cat a tablet on Saturday - might be good for me to see when her partner can finish my garage roof though - so it could be a win for me also lol

@Faith-and-Hope I love your description of the buildings and clock faces ...and "lookouts" like little part hats - super cute description

I might lay down on the couch now and see if I can get some snuggle time with Toby and some rest then hopefully that will eventuate into some sleep. Thank you for keeping me company. I hope you get the work completed you want to tonight and can sleep also. Goodnight Hon Catch up with you tomorrow - in a brand new day

Goodnight also @outlander

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodnight @Zoe7 .....

Give Toby a cuddle for me ..... chat again tomorrow .....

💚💐💕💤

Hi @outlander 👋💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodnight little butterfly @Zoe7 ❣

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 💌

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodmorning @Faith-and-Hope Wasn't the best night but I expected that It is going to take me some time today to get motivated to do anything. It is supposed to be a fairly nice day here - still not warm at around 17 degrees but better than it has been so I might try to get out into the garden later. Our little herb garden is growing but still no sign of our seeds popping their little heads up yet!

I also need to do a few things inside so depending on my energy levels later I will see how I go with all that too.

tbh I would rather snuggle up on the couch with Toby all day but I know that is not going to help my mood this morning - I did hope to wake feeling better about yesterday than I did last night but although that has eased a little, the self-doubts are still there.

I hope you have a great day at uni - papier-mache day - my favourite - that does give me a little lift - just knowing you will be doing something I love so much is enough

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hugs @Zoe7 ..... about to run into class without breakfast, but I completed the pieces I needed to .... do that’s what’s important .....

Catch you in the break ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Will keep my eye out for you Hon - have a great class @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

💚💐 @Zoe7 ....

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