Am Not Coping

@BlueBay @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope how were your days anyone around for a chat

Hi @Pepsimax 👋

@Pepsimax My day has been okay. Had a gp appointment - got antibiotics for my chest infection and have been resting since I got home - fell asleep for a while tonight. My little fluffball was sick today and has seemed to be not himself tonight - he ate all his dinner though and is asleep now but I am keeping my eye on him.

How has your day been?

Hi @Faith-and-Hope how is your evening going?

@Pepsimax @Zoe7 ..... I went to the uni library and sorted some more work out .... getting the hang of some of the basic computer functions (not braving Photoshop very much yet .... lol) and getting research done ..... so that’s all good.

Late dinner here cos the kids wanted to chat for a bit.

Fell asleep here @Faith-and-Hope so had my night meds late - getting really tired again but good to catch you before I fall asleep again. My eyelids are getting heavy again so not sure how much longer I will be here tonight.

You and Photoshop don't get on very well do you lol - good that you are sorting out the other computer stuff though.

Nice to have a chat with the baby dragons - hope they are all doing well

The baby dragons are still not launching with their uni work @Zoe7, and S2 is falling further behind again, but he has counsellors and a psych to talk things through with, so I am just sitting back and only getting involved when / if he asks me to.

I asked the kids tonight how they felt about the fact that we cane here for their studies, but I have ended up being the one stable at uni when they’re not ..... and both said that they are over the moon to see me embracing it and loving what I am doing. They are viewing my studies independently of what is happening for themselves. It was so good to hear that. It means that my studies are a stabilising influence, even if it’s not inspiring them directly.

Goodnight Hon. Sleep quickly and well.

💜💤💕

It is great that your kids feel that way about you and your studies @Faith-and-Hope Maybe in time they will acquire more motivation themselves. It is great that S2 has all that support and that you are giving him that space to work things out for himself. ...and for him to know you are there with him if he needs is important too Hon.

I know D3 was disappointed about not getting into the same course as you - I hope she finds something in the short term she can get into before that course begins again next year.

It's so great that you are settling into our uni studies @Faith-and-Hope - I am always glad when women go back to school or continue their studies - it's enabling and builds self-esteem and gives you a life-long advantage with knowledge generally and tends to build upon itself naturally

Which is what I have found

Not all kids are suited for academic work - my daughter is highly intelligent but not a university type - she did her apprenticeship in gardening and has worked constantly since she left school except when my grand-daughter was small - and now she is a highly qualified horticultural advisor - after being pushed into an apprenticeship she actively promoted her own life - and for the last couple of months has been busy training new assistants where she works

So maybe your kids will find their own paths - perhaps uni studies are not for them - there are plenty of avenues for continuing education open for them - they are young yet

And great too that S2 has advisors to help him - it's a tough start for him and D3

I am pretty sure they will all find their own way as you are setting a great example for them and they are given every chance and I wish all of you the best

Dec

Morning @Zoe7 ....🤗💕

How did you sleep ?

I am just emerging now, thinking about the pool.

I stayed up with visual diary work last night, enjoying that creative zone, and knowing that I could sleep in this morning, but S2 came to see me at a time I would usually be up .... I was dozing anyway .... cos he didn’t sleep last night. Just getting his sleep patterns back under control is his focus at the moment, but he may not be able to complete his course this year, between the overdue assignments and recurring sleep issues .... 😔

D3 has decided not to pursue a short course either .... so both of them are still floating loose .... but I can neither resolve the issues they are struggling with, not make decisions for them, so I will just continue setting my sails and being as supportive to their life-balancing efforts as I can. Modelling how to do it is probably the strongest support I can give them, because it is their inner processing that is holding them back, and that is linked to their mi, so that is their journey. That’s why I am going to get up and go to the pool, (apart from it being good for me) .... it’s not a driven exercise behaviour like my mr. is invested in .... but regular exercise is important and stabilising ..... and they need to see that.

Can’t be “throwing the baby out with the bath water” so to speak and avoiding exercise in response to mr’s addiction, and how overwhelming that is for the rest of us.

Hi @Owlunar .... 🤗💕

I hear what you are saying, and it’s valid .... if the kids wanted to do anything else, we are not set on them attending uni .... it’s just that they are not in a state where they can engage with work or training of any other kind. They could start slowly with part-time jobs, but both are stuffing psychosomatic stress disorders that prevent them from attending anywhere or anything reliably, and employers can’t carry them in that regard the same way uni counselling and study support services can, in conjunction with their therapists.

Some of this is collateral damage from their dad’s mi issues and resultant behaviour issues, some of it is recognising the personality traits within themselves that are a part of his disorder, and in some sort of resonance, they are struggling with a milder form of the same sort of underlying anxiety issues .... which is what is producing the psychosomatic responses.

I have only suffered psychosomatically when we have been under far more extreme tension, such as relocating my life and home earlier this year, which has distanced me from all my support people in the process, and I am having to build new supports, as the kids are also. Unfortunately that was part and parcel of the set-back we had to undertake to be able to, hopefully, move forward in ways that were not available where we were .... this level of uni support being an example .... and stepping away from negative connections and associations we had previously.

This is all part of re-balancing for all of us, but it has also brought the issues to the surface where they can be dealt with .... for the rest of us that is ... not yet mr.f&h.....