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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes off to the pool in about an hour - hoping it will wake me up a bit @Snowie

It is colder today so I don't think I will be doing much afterwards - I am usually tired and need to rest - I try to float around doing nothing for a while at the end of the session but that always depends on how many people are in the pool - some days there are more than others and it gets a bit crowded - other days there are only one or two other people there and it is peaceful.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7well hopefully it is not too busy there and you can "float around" after your session. An afternoon of couch and Toby sounds good to me.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I have some things recorded that I could watch also @Snowie so it may be a chilled out afternoon on the couch with Toby. If I have any energy later I will attempt to do some housework but I am definitely not going to push myself too hard. Tomorrow will be a long day with a big break between DBT and pdoc so will likely have to come home in between.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7that does sound like a busy day tomorrow with both DBT and pdoc.

My psych is away for 3 weeks so only have pdoc and DBT for now.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Pdoc and DBT are enough @Snowie Even though DBT is hard and there are a lot of strong personalities are you getting anything out of it?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

All the best with the big day tomorrow @Zoe7

The DBT is tough I know that - and having to come home between appointments must be a chore and I hope that the visit with your Pdoc works out well for you as well

Hyrotherapy in winter - ah yes - the water is warmer there than in a regular pool where people train swimming laps - but then - going out in the cold must be a bit of a shock so I am sure you rug up for the onslaught of Tassie weather

All the best for tomorrow and today - taking it easy

Dec

Relaxation is an art form

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

the DBT is only the intor so haven't started the 3 modules yet. I think I am getting a little out of it. I think it will be better when the 12 month long course starts @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Are you doing Core Mindfulness and then the remaining 3 modules next @Snowie - interested to see how it is structured for you. We do 10 weeks for each 4 modules - 2 hour sessions each week.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7no it is more getting us ready to go into the BDT course. Once in it, it is borken into 3 modules. Each module goes for 13 weeks with mindfulness intertwined into each of the 3 modules. In that 13 weeks, there is a goup component and an individual session with a psychologist.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

That is very different to how our course is run @Snowie - we have Core Mindfulness as a separate module and have a group and then pdoc session - I would say that would be much the same as your psychologist session. However it is done I hope you get a lot out of it - and I hope those stronger personalities can be better handled to allow you to feel more comfortable. It took me until the second module to actually talk and I know from what my pdoc has said that that is not unusual - it can be very overwhelming to begin with.

I better get myself moving - I don't actually feel like going to the pool today but I know I need to make myself - so I will catch up with you when I come home later

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