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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Home now @Faith-and-Hope

I went to get my fruit and veggies first and then spent 20m minutes walking in the pool before I did my exercises. I couldn't have done that a few weeks ago so that is really positive. I am feeling the effects of it all but will rest for a while and then see if I can tackle some of the weeding a bit later. I have planted the Marjoram so our herb garden just now needs to grow

How is you day treating you?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh, that’s great @Zoe7 .... 👍 .... well done you ❣️

Hopefully that will help with your sleep patterns too.

This morning’s class was great. We did a collaborative artwork,which is something I have done with kids before. I love them .... they have so much character.

I had to come home at lunchtime cos I picked up meds for D3 yesterday, then forgot to give them to her and they were still in my bag .... with me .... at uni .....

Have a longer lunch hour today, so that was great.

Mr. is crabby with the kids today tho, and neither of them are good, so it’s hard to just close the door and walk away, but to some degree they will have to hussle between themselves and get a bit sorted out.

Its a beautiful day here. I hope the weather has cleared where you are .....

💜

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Collaboration is great @Faith-and-Hope Everyone has their own ideas and styles and putting them all together can often produce something really amazing - so glad you got to participate in something like that

I am going to discuss with the Principal the prospect of doing Art a couple of mornings a week with the aim to participate in an end of year event as I once did with the kids. I think it would be a great way for me to get back into work modemand be something to look forward to. It I could do that Tues and Thurs mornings then I could go to the pool afterwards. If I could get through that for a while then I could get through a whole day at work.

Your kids are old enough to be trying to work these things out for themselves and I know part of this move was to help them find their own voice and motivation to get things done. Whilst you want to help them it is also important that they help themselves - so as hard it is to walk away you are showing them by going back to uni the motivation that is needed to achieve what you want - and that is being both a good parent and a postive ri=ole model for them

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 ..... 🦋💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope Have a great afternoon Hon - I will catch up with you tonight

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 .... you too ...

Heading back to class.

👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

afternoon @Zoe7 how are you going?

@Faith-and-Hope hoping uni is going ok today...?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am going ok @outlander Been resting this afternoon after some grocery shopping and the pool.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

sounds good @Zoe7 i seen you had some improvements in your session to which is great!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yeah I did 20 minutes of walking before my exercises today @outlander.

I am going to try to go back to the pool on Sunday by it is only open until 12 noon so it would have to be an early session - might even get there tomorrow - see what the weather is like first. If it is a clear day and not too cold I will try to get into the garden for a little while - there is a lot of weeding that needs to be done and both the front and bak yards need to be mowed.

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