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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7, knowing me I will choose the path of nothing. I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it. I know this is her getting away with it but I don't think I have the fight in me to do much more about it anyway.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Let's hope her conscience is talking to her and she now knows what she did was so wrong and she is beating herself up about it @Snowie - I don't believe anyone that does that kind of thing actually 'gets away with it' in the long run whether you take it further or not - karma is a wonderful thing Hon Do what you think is best for you and what you can cope with - you are the most imporatnt person in this scenario my sweet Snowie

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7, hopefully karma is enough. Hoping she has had enough of a scare too to keep her mouth closed from now on.

What else have you got planned for today? How is your's and F&H garden going?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Nothing else planned for today now that I am not going to work until tomorrow @Snowie - need to do my usual chemist run after gp and then home.

The garden is pretty much all planted - I accidently bought 2 Thyme plants and left the Marjoram so have to purchase that to finish off the herbs we wanted planted. I will stop into Bunnings on the way to work tomorrow. I have planted seeds of most of the herbs as well as seedlings - that way I will have some of the herbs growing at different rates and can keep them growing for longer. I am really looking forward to watching it grow - the pots are right next to my back door so I can keep a close eye on them

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7that sounds so nice hun. You will have to take some photos of the garden (if you want to) and show them to us or at least with F&H.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I posted a photo of the pots a few pages back @Snowie but will give regular updates (with photos) as they begin to grow. It shouls take about a week for the seeds to start popping up - I am really looking forward to seeing that. I love growing things - always done that with the kids - and I always had some spares growing at home incase their seeds didn't grow - I would swap them out so they had something to take home!

My garden has taken just over 5 years to begin to take shape - there is still a lot I want to do but it is hard with my back not good and finances have certainly stopped me also - weeding what is already there in the garden beds is high on my priority list but the weather has not been good enough.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

A pitchfork makes weedingung much easier @Zoe7, if you don’t know that already. Driving it into the ground and loosening the soul around the weeds makes them pull out easily, and you can drive in the pitchfork by stepping onto the top bar of it. One of the best gardening investments I ever made.

Hi @Snowie and anyone else around ..... I’m on lunch break.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I have lots of smaller plants around the roses @Faith-and-Hope so it is fiddly work weeding around those - the larger space that I am going to turn into a beggie garden can be weeded with the pitchfork but that can't be done until I move some things out of that area also - I think my back is okay enough to do that soon though.

How is class - what are you looking at today?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Expressionism is the next topic @Zoe7 ..... getting more emotion into artwork than Realism caters for.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

oooh lovely @Faith-and-Hope - that should be right up your alley Hon - Van Gogh, Kandinsky, Munch, Gaugin.... interesting to study their styles and inspirations

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