FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

26,381 - 26,390 of 38,645

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning @Zoe7 .... 👋🦋💕

I have been up “early” taking photos for a photography assignment ......

Now this is going to b interesting. It’s likely I am going to get back to the classroom with a bunch of stuff that doesn’t mean much to anyone else ..... because it caught my imagination in the moment, but just looks like buildings and birds to others ..... lol .....

Here is one I took on my phone last week:

Of course the phone has an auto-edit feature, so it doesn’t count for class .... the photo taken with the class camera is a lot more hard work to sort out to look like this .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Love the photo @Faith-and-Hope - a garden for you and the lights are beautiful. Love that you have captured the old and the new of the city as well - very cool

How are you going with the class camera - getting the hang of it yet?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Very basically @Zoe7 .... but D3 will give me lessons in it, and Photoshop, apart from what we are learning in class.

How did you sleep ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It took sometime to get to sleep but I finally did and had about 5 hours - have dozed on and off for another couple of hours this morning. I am still very tired but that is to be expected. I was feeling pretty emotions last night and trying to stay on top of it - didn't do a good job though - lots of tears! @Faith-and-Hope

How are you doing today? Whst are you plans for the weekend?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

In the hope that she can still get into art school I am going to take D3 out and about a bit today .... visit the library to get her signed up, and showing her what facilities they have available there. I will see if she is prepared to do some catch-up work in terms of what we have been learning in class, so if she is starting this week she is coming up to speed.

Also looking for a hairdresser for her, for her curly-Sue hair.

And maybe visiting some galleries .....

She says Hi 👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi back to D3 @Faith-and-Hope

I really hope she gets in and it is great that you are helping her catch up a little for what you have already done. It is even better than D3 is wanting to do all this - that is super exciting that she has the motivation back for uni

It souonds like the kind of weekend that you will both enjoy - so wish I was there with you both doing the same

I am not in the right frame of mind to do much myself today though so I am not going to push it - feeling pretty exhausted so going to rest up so I can watch the footy tonight. There may be a game on this afternoon I can watch also - haven't looked yet though!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Considering where D3 was “at” two months ago @Zoe7, it’s astounding, and finding a focus seems to have been so much a part of it.

The game I went to last week was a good one. Our team won, but the game itself was fully engaged and exciting .....

Heading off for a bit now, but I will be around today 🤗💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I saw the beginning of that game and the last quarter - I was really plesed they won for you all @Faith-and-Hope

It is great how far D3 has come in that time - I think you beginning study has been a big factor in that - she can see your motivation and excitment and that has helped her find hers also.

Big hugs to you both - I will be around on and off myself but will keep an eye out for you - have a great day Hon

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Have found a spot with some sunshine and by some water for lunch @Zoe7 .... after a really cloudy start it has turned into a glorious day here .....

👋💕 @outlander @Sans911 @Snowie @Former-Member @Pepsimax .... welcome to the forums @Poppyfriend543 ..... 🌷

And @NatalieS .... just saw you there too ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I have been watching something I recorded yesterday whilst snuggled up with Toby - it has been relaxing and I feel a little better - still not great but any improvement is good.

Glad you have found a nice spot and to be by the river is a bonus for you @Faith-and-Hope It is cold here again today but the rain has stopped. I really need to cut the grass but it is still far too wet to do that - maybe it will dry out a bit by tomorrow and I can do it then.

Have you been to any galleries yet today?

26,381 - 26,390 of 38,645