Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 👋 🦋💕

I have just arrived in the coffee shop. Some of my dragons are leaving this morning, so I will arrive at church for the last service or two. For now they are still getting up and organising themselves, and I am finger knitting a scarf for D3 to take with her in the coffee shop for a little while.

Almond milk cappuccino ?

It must have been nice having some of your baby dragons visit for the week @Faith-and-Hope I need a finger knitted scarf today - it is only supposed to be around 10 degrees and it is already raining - defintiely an inside day. I need to go to petbarn but I might be able to leave it until tomorrow - have enough food for Toby until tomorrow so that is a viable option. I have GP and chemist to go to tomorrow so could include petbarn as well - I will see how today pans out,

Good that you are having some timeout for yourself at the coffee place - time to recharge your batteries a little before a busy week ahead

It is only 11 degrees here with rain hanging around in the background .... it feels damp and there are clouds ..... very England day ..... and the cafe is an old warehouse, so I can imagine myself somewhere else .....

i have been meaning to tell you how proud I am of you that you are managing to speak up in DBT class sometimes, and thrilled to pieces that you are making some connections. 🤗💕

I know that heading back into work is driven by necessity at the moment, but sometimes that is the catalyst that helps us stretch just that little bit further for a new finger-hold that we thought was beyond us .....

Who thought I would be here, doing this, this year ?!

It is quite an achievement for both of us @Faith-and-Hope - I do think that you returning to study has been a catalyst for me to be thinking about work again too - it is inspirational what you are doing for yourself Hon

I seem to be finding my feet a little in DBT - it certainly has taken some time - there is still a long way to go but feeling more comfortable with the people around me is definitely helping. I am still very guarded with what I share and hold back a lot - with my pdioc as well - but I am more likely to speak up when I don't agree with something and that is good for me - I have been able to do that in the past but my confidence to challenge what I don't agree with has certainly been lost over the last few years - shows me how sick I have been for so long. My pdoc is pleased I am even considering work again - as she has said - I have been very unwell and that shows that although there is a long way to go that I am improving - I needed to hear those words I think. I do know I am taking baby steps forward but any step forward is positive

I am noticing the difference from where I sit @Zoe7 .... ❤️

That is good to know @Faith-and-Hope - I need that re-assurance from those I am closest to as sometimes I can't see it myself - so thank you for telling me that p it means a lot Hon. I can also see how much you are starting to find your feet in the East - not just studying but making connections outside of the home and your course is heatwarming for me - I hope it is for you too

@Faith-and-Hope You have been my biggest support Hon and it can never be underestimated how much that support has helped me - you really are my guardian angel

It is @Zoe7 .... and I am also processing some things that my psych has discussed with me, along with some things that other therapists have said to the kids about our situation.

Some decisions we make, and some decisions circumstances guide us into. It’s just another way of saying what we have already spoken about this morning.

I think you have no idea how inspiring it is to the carers here, me amongst them, to witness how much struggle there can be for LE people to get up and go each day, and how inspiring that is .... as carers we have to get up and go each day too, but mostly the mi issues are externalised for us, unless the weight of our circumstances breaks down our shield and mi issues set in for us internally as well, which is always the risk.

I am so very grateful that the two sides of the forums are connected and we could meet in the mix ..... ❤️

And you are a joy and inspiration to me dear @Zoe7 ..... in being unable to reach my mr. in his lost state, I have found you, and you I have been able to support where all I can do is walk along with him for as far a our road will go ..... without being able to make the difference he so desperately needs.

I admire the carers so much as well @Faith-and-Hope to sit with and support those with MI so lvoingly and faithfully despite the pressures it places on them - that is just as inspiring to me as those that live with MI - we all have a massive place in these struggle and we all do such a valuable job in helping each other.