Am Not Coping

For what it’s worth, it might be valuable to sacrifice a couple of pairs of not-old socks for however long it takes the toe to heal @Zoe7 ..... one to wash, and one to wear ..... and then you could stitch the toe seam back up afterwards .....

Just my fix-it thinking cap on. Ignore if you like .... lol ....

I was just having a look at doing just that - unstiching a pair or two and then re-stiching them later. I have a couple of pairs that that will be possible to do that to @Faith-and-Hope I tend to try to get away with not wearing anything on my feet is possible - that is why I like the warmer weather more - don't have to wear shoes unless I go somewhere lol

The pain meds are helping tonight with both my toe and my back - the pain was beginning to make me feel quite ill again so that is a good thing - I am going to take some more soon to help with the rest of the evening.

Is tomorrow an all-day thing or just a few hours?

They haven’t given a finish time @Zoe7, so I expect it will just be a few hours, maybe only a couple even.

It is still exciting @Faith-and-Hope. I can't wait to hear all about it. I suppose there will be a lot you can't write but anything you are able to I am looking forward to hearing

What is for dinner tonight? I am going to have steamed veggies. I need to do some shopping but as you can imagine that isn't easy atm - nothing that can't wait - I'll try to do it on Friday after my gp appointment (there is a supermarket right next to the clinic) - as I will already be out and feeling the pain already

S2 will have grilled chicken and the kale coleslaw @Zoe7. For me it’s a use-up-what-is-left-in-the-fridge salad ..... I have some roast veggies (including carrots ), salad leaves, prawns, tomatoes and a couple of eggs.

Cooking and shopping to cook are keeping some structure in my day at the moment, where otherwise, with S2’s sleeping all topsy-turvey, there would be very little.

I need to get my sleep back on track to regain some structure in my day again too @Faith-and-Hope. Although I was really tired still during the day when I was sleeping 6-7 hours a night - I wasn't on edge as I have been the last couple of weeks with more nightmares again. I was going to talk to my pdoc today about it but with her being away I obviously couldn't - so it is a matter of getting through until I see her next week and crossing my fingers and toes (those that I can lol) that my sleep improves in the meantime.

Tomorrow night is the second soccer world cup game so I will be watching that if I can stay awake but if I can get up at the same time each day despite how much sleep I have managed to have then that will be a win ...I will worry about how I am doing during the day taking it day by day. I know my back issues (and now my toe) have not helped in this whole process - it is hard to sleep when you are feeling physically (and mentally) in pain.

Think you have just helped me understand something I missed @Zoe7 ..... was wondering why my sleep patterns have gone wobbly this week, and I can see it is linked to particularly stressful events. It’s likely the psychosomatic response in me, like an undercurrent, that caused the bigger reaction at the beginning of the year.

Have to keep working at this self-care bizzo .... says she from the comfort of being tucked up in Bed Island .... lol .... S2 is out at a music lesson.

Thankfully he is really engaged with those, and looks forward to them. Is having no trouble with submissions for that, cos it’s not uni-based. It’s a specific association based trigger causing him grief.

I had noticed your sleep was all over the place too @Faith-and-Hope. It doesn't help that you are changing time zones so often atm either - makes it hard to get into a routine and stick to it to regain some of that control over sleep. I find it harder when I am anxious or the fear level has risen for me and then the next few days are spent in more of a daze trying to catch up on that sleep. This is how I spent most of my life - going from one sleepless night to day to another sleepless night - all the time doing what I could to get through and that really is no way to live.

I am snuggle in on couch island and Toby is having his cute little puppy dreams next to me. I really should have a break soon and get some dinner but I am enjoying our chat Sometimes self-care is taking moments like these when you are enjoying something and running with it as much as they are in taking breaks.

I am pleased to hear S2 is still liking his piano lessons - hopefully in time he can transfer that passion for music into his uni studies - it will take time to associate success and help with uni after his previous experience back west ...but he is making significant (if small thus far) steps in the right direction.

He is today @Zoe7, and I am so thankful .....

I have sat and watched him struggle all week, but it’s not something I can help him do, because these sort of changes have to be powered from within ..... and that sets him on a collision-course with mr.F&H who is driven to try to power the changes within him from without .... which is why it is so critical that both submissions and sleep shifts were happening before mr. gets back and panics all over him .....

I definitely see the dilemma here - one drives the other - that is his anxiety will rise with the added pressure from Mr. F&H and that sets him baack within himself even further. There is a time to push and a time to let oneself know the consequences from within of not getting things done - S2 needs to know those things both from within himself and doesn't need the extra external pressure.

He is making positive forward steps though @Faith-and-Hope and that is something you should be very proud of - I can not imagine what he went through being so invalidated from the last uni - reminds me very much of the pdoc in our DBT sessions - she does not seem to grasp the concept of empathy in that context at all and rather than validating everyone's opions and experiences she seems more to want to question them - not pleasant when she does that to anyone. I think she tries to understand but maybe she just has not had enough experience in this field yet to do that.