Am Not Coping

Have you been sleeping @Zoe7 ?

Hi everyone

I am just passing through atm I will back shortly..

No Hon - needed time out from here - getting too overwhelmed with everything @Faith-and-Hope Had a chat with HC and that really helped but still needed time on my own to try to sort some things out in my head.

How has the rest of your afternoon and evening been?

Hi @Zoe7

I'm really glad you took time for yourself and I hope you were able to sort things out a bit

We all need time to ourselves - I hope you are okay - the weather up here has been better today but we had one really bad weekend weather-wise here - how was the weather in southern Tassie

I am starting to get some ideas about going away in August - I think I will go up the North Coast - further than Brisbane - and come back down the Princes Highway in a bus and stay for a couple of nights at a pretty place called Rainbow Beach - it's great being able to do this - when life has tough dates coming up it is really encouraging -

All the best Zoe

Dec

Still a lot in my head to be sorted through @Owlunar - the main thing is trying to minimise my anxiety before trying to sleep and avoiding the possibility for any further triggers tonight. I have already taken my night meds so hoping that helps me to settle and sleep tonight. It hasn't been at all successful the last few nights and if tonight is the same I will be talking to my pdoc on Wednesday about it - maybe we need to change or increase one of my meds again for a little while.

Your ides for a trip up north sounds wonderful - plenty of nicer weather and time to relax.

The weather down here has been terrible lately - cold and wet - we have had quite a bit of rain also. Even Toby doesn't want to go outside - he really is a spoilt little puppy dog lol

I'm sure I'll be ok Dec - just need to get through this low period. I know I have done it before so as much as I don't feellike it in the moment I am sure I can do it again - you know how it is when things get on top of you - you find it hard to get through the pain you feel but you get there. I can imagine this next month is a bit like that for you too - anniversaries are incredibly hard - I feel for you Dec

Thanks @Zoe7

The immediate future looks formidable but like you I have been here before and planning a break at the end of winter when the days are starting to stretch out a bit makes a difference - I am glad I am in the position of doing this

It seems the bleak winter really does make life impossible - or rather unpleasant - I like a line from the very beginning of Moby D ick when the narrator talks about his need to go to see - when he feels "The November in his soul" and I really feel this in May - and early June - the soltice makes a big difference to me.

Talking about spoilt pets - who cares if they are spoilt anyway - they are not children who need to grow up - they are our friends who are mature in their own right - and Companion Cat is starting to dither too long at the door now and I have no desire to stand at the open door first thing and I shut the cat in and leave her to complain - after all she has her indoor toilet and I wouldn't want to go outside myself -

Anyway - head sorting takes time and we can usually only do it in bitznpiecez - I was having a quite weekend alone but I also had something to sort out - doing some cooking helped but my home-made cookies - unusual good batch - there was a nasty looking bug under the glad wrap - mmm - there's 5 left and I think I will be ditching them - I have no idea what the bug was but I am not sharing my snacks with bugs - yuk!

Anyway - today I got on with the head-sorting and I really must make an appointment with the next therapist and let's hope this one will work - I need help with the anniversaries and I am so glad that I am in this forum and that people like yourself are here for me - I am learning to share more than I have previously- this is a good thing

And during this problem sorting time I have been in an unusual good mood - I asked my doctor if he noticed and he had - it's something to do with my BP medication - it lessens anxiety - of wow - if this had been prescribed for anxiety I might never have needed it for high blood pressure

All the best Zoe - I have you in my thoughts

Dec

I know that my hydrotherapy session tomorrow is playing on my mind @Owlunar I need to go because my back is still very sore and it has been over 2 weeks since I fell. There are a lot of reasons why it is difficult for me but knowing I can stop it at any stage when I have had enough or if I am triggered in any way (which is quite possible) will most likely help tomorrow. I have DBT and pdoc on Wednesday and that is never an easy day - so the next couple of days are going to be tough.

Yes head-sorting takes time and we both know how hard it can be. So pleased you have us here to help you at this time get through Dec. I find the support I have here invaluable when I am feelng like I am now - and you have been a big part of that over the journey

The hardest part for me about the shorter days is the dark but I know I am much more in tune with how I am feeling this year than I was last year - that was a very dark and lonely time for me ...felt like the whole world was crashing in on me. I remember my pdoc sessions were mostly spent sitting and listening as I couldn't speak - at least now I am more able to say a few things and in time this should get a little easier. I do trust my pdoc and that is a huge step for me - I hope you find a therapist that is just as helpful for you. Sometimes it is the small things like she knows when she has pushed me too far and takes the time to 'bring me back' and ground me as much as possible before I leave her office - that is really important.

I am sure Companion Cat is just like Toby and Cat - they find the warm spots and that is definitely not outside lol - Cat has her toilet tray inside as well so it is only Toby who needs to be let out (and he is not going far from the door - he goes to the toilet and runs back inside - it is kind cute really lol)

I love that the BP medication is helping with your anxiety - and yes it would seem that you would not have needed it if your anxiety was lower in the first place - so a kind of backward way of dealing with an issue that has caused another issue

Sometimes it takes time to share things no matter how comfortable you feel with people. I find DBT very hard for this reason - I think some people over-share and it makes me uncomfortable but I am learning to let it wash over me more. Maybe one day I will be able to share more than the basic 'how my week has gone' - who knows!

- if this had been prescribed for anxiety I might never have needed it for high blood pressure ....

Love it @Owlunar ❣️

@Zoe7 I had a run-in with mr.F&H over the phone this afternoon, so licking my wounds a bit, but I have already worked out a way forward, so things will settle down and be okay. Indulging in lotsa self-care at the moment, including learning some French for some distant trip to Paris .... one day .... maybe .... 🥞🥐🥖🍷🍰☕️

You are an absolute champion @Faith-and-Hope Sorry to hear you had a run-in with Mr. F&H though - that sucks Hon ...but as usual you have problem solved and found a way forward - I wish I could do the same for myself right now I am trying though and I think it really is a matter of getting through the next couple of days and re-assessing where I am at then.

I was not a big fan of Paris (apart from the galleries) - I would happily go back just for those - so book me on the trip with you

Hi again @Zoe7

I love Hobart - I forget how often I have been there - and whenever I see pics of Mount Wellington it feels like home

But I have the agencies that help me out here and I don't think I want to break away from them - I would even fly from there to here to see my dentist - so Melbourne it stays for now

But yes - we are often on a similar wave-length - I sense things in what people write - not what they are thinking but what they are trying to say - maybe that comes from all the essays I marked or explained the marking of for years - and then as you are a teacher you would understand - you have an idea of what someone is trying to say or write and then picking and probing to get the kid to explain

But just reading here I don't have to figure it out - the person will say it in time when they are ready

So the next couple of days are hard work for you - I tried hydrotherapy but it didn't work for me - I was one of the tallest people there and moved away from other people because I am nervous about people knocking me with my bad back - I tried to explain this to the therapist but she was stuck that I shouldn't be in the deeper water like that and I started to have lots of reasons for not going - so I get that it is not an easy thing to do - they make it sound fun but it's really work - and I would love to swim in a warmer pool like that but not with a bossy boss running the session - pity about that

It must be difficult having talking therapy when you find it hard to talk - I can talk - can I ever - and although I listen to other people mostly I tend to get carried away and talk too much with a therapist - if I start again there are places in my life where I am not going so I guess I will need the first appointment to set parameters - the rabbit hole is more like a sink-hole that I know about now and I don't need to go there anymore - I think this might be true for many - but you alone know what you need to say and if you really want to or you are really ready - it can be really hard

I am really glad I am learning to trust people here too - with the hard parts coming up - I have had a few days that have been uneasy - I don't like the feeling but these different tablets are helping - how strange is that?

And Companion Cat - yes - I have let her out to run around in the morning and do whatever out there - and then she has come in and gone straight to her litter tray and made a sand castle along with a maximum stink - but our furkids - they really fit into our lives - I have a life with my cat - it's not a big life - we don't go out for a drink or to play cards - her conversational skills are limited - but still - she is chatty for a cat and I love here

All the best Zoe - our lives are not easy so much of the time but in many ways I think the people I am chatting with most here are very honest and caring people - not something easily found and I feel blessed I found this forum

Dec