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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia @Phoenix_Rising

What about a 'Where's Wally' type book instead - 'Find Froginthepond'

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

{Gets up, has a big yawn, and prepares to leave the octagonal room and head off to bed. Anticipates returning tomorrow night, but knows other tasks may beckon (and Phoenix_Rising does not multi-task!). Is conscious of not becoming too hooked on Forum Land. Feels much better with a bit of dopamine floating around brain. Picks up turtle and blanket. Leaves Finding Nemo picture on wall. Waves at @Zoe7 and @utopia. Departs.}

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodnight @Phoenix_Rising - I bet you'll be back tomorrow night lol!!!!!

@utopia Thanks for the fun again tonight -I hope you have a more settled night tonight and can get some sleep. Same time tomorrow night????

I'm going to check in on @oceangirl then try to get some sleep also tonight.

Sweet dreams to you both

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sweet Dream to you both. Thank you for sitting with us @Phoenix_Rising.

Was a good night as always @Zoe7. So I'll be back tomorrow night.

I hope you get a good sleep my friend.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Faith-and-Hope

Vent away - how can you read his mind - or does he make notes and stick them to the fridge

I am glad you have taken a walk and kept away from the fireworks

It must be tough on your kids - I know they are all young adults and can choose to leave it they feel the need and good on S2 for insisting on sleeping -

Really - I don't know how you do it - you have so much love and faith - and hope -

Keep telling us the story - it's real life - much better than TV

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodmorning to all my 'corner' buddies @utopia @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

and also to our occasional visitors... @Pepsimax @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Owlunar

... and a shout out to @Former-Member (would love to see you around our corner of the world again )

Hope there is some light it each of you days today

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

How are you - I read the thread where you and @utopia had a conversation so true to life [rotfl - glad no one chucked the bucket at me]

How are you today? It feels as if it's going to be hot in Melbourne - Finally - right at the end of summer we are getting some warm weather - and I haven't even broken even with a tan yet -

I was planning to go up to Lakes Entrance for a few days - the weather was indifferent and so I didn't think a lot - now I find March is really busy and there is another public holiday in there - ah no - well - there is still April - and in Victoria we put the clocks back at the end of April this year

And then we have Easter

I hope you are okay

Dec

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Owlunar I'm doing well atm. Things seem to be gradually improving - still a long way to go but I can feel the difference. It is lovely weather here - sun is out, the birds are chirping and Toby is laying right next to me (as usual). We finish daylight savings at the same time - not looking forward to that because of it being dark earlier- that will be a real test on judt how well I really am doing!
Hope you are doing ok and your pain isn't too bad!
Always thinking of you xxx
💜 Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

My back is okay today - so far -

It annoys me when they interfer with the time - it takes me about a week to get used to it - I have noticed the difference in the sun rise time -

The first time we had day-light saving was when I was pregnant with dd - and my son was two - and that was a problem - I had to change everything 15 minutes at a time because he was not a happy child and seemed to sense the difference - but one thing I could not change was Play School - it came on at a different time and his body-clock knew it

Maybe we will have a good autumn - we did last year - I will get a few days away

I am glad you are okay today

Dec

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