Am Not Coping

No talking to my plants @Zoe7. Not really doing aanything in the garden. I'm pleased to hear your suicidal thoughts have lessened. They can be bloody scary. Good to hear you have new meds and maybe that's why the tears are drying up. So the meds could be a good thing. Like you are finally on the right road.

But it still sounds like such a journey. Remember us last year this time and around Christmas/ new year. We were feeling so good. Getting better. Then 'life', 'history', 'workcover', 'your psychologist' interveened. Not so good then. It's been an extremely tough year.

What are you doing tonight? Just logged on here, or watching sport or listening to music?

I'm back on the meds I was on before we changed several weeks ago @utopia so we know they will only work to a certain degree and then we will have to re-assess. But it was absolutely necessary to go back to these ones for now - even though we know they didn't stop the night issues and the depression wasn't lifting - the suicidal thoughts weren't constant. It seems I am either resistant to most meds (after a certain point) or have a very strong reaction to them - either way it sucks!!!

It really has been an extremely tough year for both of us. I have now been off work for 14 months - who would have thought that at the beginning of this year

I am just logged on here tonight - no sport on tv to even have in the background - so tv on but sound off as usual and Toby right beside me

You are good enough for me Bubbly Boo

I can't imagine how hard it is with kids to think about also. I know I wouldn't be able to leave my fur babies though.

I do know how hard it is to be in a relationship where there are 'issues' and for you to not know what to do. My past situation and yours are very different but the feelings I would suspect are similar.

I definitely know that lost feeling and it doesn't matter what you do or which way you turn - nothing makes sense and nothing helps - and that is a horrible place to be - so I feel for you @Bubbles3

Toby right beside you @Zoe7. Just where I pictured him to be. lol. My girls (dogs) take it in turn to come outside with me when I go to have a smoke. I don't know why. I guess they just sense that i need 'someone' there. Dogs are good.

I hope you are not resistant to that medication or others. Not good. Do you know, you can pay to have a test done - costs lots of money (a few hundred, up to a thousand dollars) and you can have your blood taken and it will tell you what is the best medication for you to be on, based on your bloods and hormones and diagnosis etc. I met 2 patients in the last hospital stay who had both done that. As they had both been struggling for years to get the right medication balance. Maybe you could talk to your gp or psychiatrist about it. Get some info before you say no, due to cost. The consumer consultant at the hospital was saying that soon they expect the cost just to be a couple of hunred dollars. I'd cut down on things to find the mone for that test for me. As I don't think I'm on the right meds for my anxiety.

I do worry about you Bubbly Boo as you are my Bubbly Boo

I care about you @Bubbles3. We have had some tough times here together and you have helped keep me distracted at times when I have needed it - we are good for each other