Am Not Coping

There you go ❣️

@Zoe7 @Sans911

I have seen you @Sans911 and have actually really appreciated you being here but not being here

I do get overwhelmed with too many people when I am struggling and selfishly do 'need' a certain few people to be the ones I can interact with. That is not in any way to dismiss the importance of everyone here - it is purely knowing those few people 'know me' really well and know exactly how to help/support me without any explanations or details. I know I can 'talk' if I need to or just BE as well.

@Sans911 I do find it hard to recognise the same within myself as others seem to 'get' from my presence here - but I am pleased that so many seem to see some 'light' when I am around - I only wish that I could provide that for more (including myself)

In its own time @Zoe7 ..... baby steps Hon .....

♥️

@Faith-and-Hope I was thinking today of how different my life could have been if it had gone down a different path. I know most of it was not of my own making but how I wish it had been different - who knows what I would be doing or where I would be now!

It’s like that for all of us to some extent though @Zoe7 .... I struggled through so much with my MIL and in-law family .... struggled so much with wh’s workaholism ..... and now we are in the worst struggles of our lives, because this one has taken him away from me even though he is right here .....

My mind plays that track .... where would I be ..... who would I be .... if I hadn’t married him ? If I had noticed and understood warning signs ? And what will all this mean for our kids going forward ?

There is a certain amount of soul-searching that is helpful ..... but much of it isn’t. If we persevere down these torturous paths, we become giants on the Lived Experience landscapes @Zoe7 .... even anonymously here, the testaments contained in these threads for what has happened to us all, and what we have struggled with as a result, and what needs to be done in terms of both preventions and treatments is huge .....

It matters ..... it can change lives .... it can become a powerful positive force.

There are people who have come through these intense trials who have barrelled back into the field of trauma counselling .... rehabilitation centres .... respite care centres ..... art therapy training ..... etc turning lemons into lemonade ...... making it matter, making it count.

God willing, I am going to be one of them ..... ❣️

And I got to meet you .....

@Sans911 I have no doubt that you are infact 'speaking' for many others - I do recognise that even when it is hard to believe it. It is my own self-doubt and lack of self-worth that interfers with actually acknowledging and accepting that though. ...and my history of being so enormously 'let down' by people feeds into that. I do tend to 'pull away' and isolate myself when things seem to be going ok for me as well as when I am really struggling - both fill me with fear of betrayal and being hurt - so both these ends of the spectrum are very tough to deal with.