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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thanks @Former-Member @Zoe7
it was hard. we just talked about the kids.
i tried to talk to about the last month and about my med change but she didnt care.
i have to try and calm myself down now.
i couldnt make her leave soon enough.
i just feel lost. i know she doesnt care what is happening to me . i can see it in her face when i was talking about it. i really hate her and that why i have nothing to do with her

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Bubbles3 I am going to say some things here that you may not agree with - but this is coming purely from my own experience with my sister.

For so long I hated my sister too - why - seversl reasons... I blamed her for what I had endured, not because she was at fault but because I was protecting her (a long, long story). That definitely strained our reltionship for most of our lives. I tried to talk to her about 'stuff' once and her response was 'I don't want to know'. So as you can certainly imagine, our relationship then felt completely broken.

My sister is a psychologist - so you would think that she would be able to understand and be on my side - but it is infact the opposite. The truth is - she is unable to be that support or even allow me to 'talk' to her because it is simply too hard for her to hear. I do get that and I also get how defensive she can be when I challenge her on her own 'thinking' (her own self-esteem issues, dramas, etc.). When it comes down to it - it is not ME that she treats like she does - it is her projecting her own guilt, grief and sadness onto me because she does not know how to deal with it all herself.

Families are a challenge because what we need and what we want, they are often unable to provide us purely because they see that they have failed us - and they then become defensive in order to suppress their own feelings - this is not always deliberate but it is their way to cope with knowing that someone they actually love is in pain and they cannot change what has/is happening.

None of this probably resonates with you @Bubbles3 but I hope giving you some insight into my relationship with my sister at least shows you that you are not alone in having such a difficult relationship with yours.

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thanks @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 agree with you on a lot of this. I have a brother but don't see him much and would never talk to him about what I am going through.

I do agree with family becoming defensive in order to supress their own feelings. Hubby has become extrememly defensive because I don't think he knows how to cope with what he now knows and how to deal or talk to me

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member I keep in the back of my mind that it is hard to deal with seeing the ones that you love in pain, especially when you can't do anything to 'fix' it

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Zoe7 im wondering if your up for helping Bubbles with the Zoe Method that you helped me with? I dont want to tag you into it in case your not up for it

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @outlander you can do it buddy - good practice for yourself too I have confidence in you but tag me in if you get stuck

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Ok thanks @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7it is hard, but I guess you just have to remember that it's not your/mine/our fault. It's is hard when we cannot "fix it", but then again I struggle to fix myself, so how can I fix someone else!!!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It is hard when you know that nothing will change and you have spent most of your life protecting others at your own expense. There is so much resentment there that really is not 'our' fault but circumstances has made it so @Former-Member

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