Am Not Coping

Oh bugger @utopia Hope the antihistamine works So hard to keepgoing when you are having so much trouble with the chemical reactions - stick in there as much as you can but your health comes first my friend - if you can't put up with it then don't! Surely your boss must be able to see what it is doing to you - duty of care????

Yep 7 hours total - wow

My anxiety isn't too bad so far today. I just went to the shop and actually had a conversation with one of the girls that works there - she's been there a while and I used to chat to her a bit. She asked if I was off work again and I told her I hadn't been back at all yet - that it will be another couple of months at least. I didn't even feel anxious about telling her - huge win!!! She knows I am a teacher and was always in there buying stuff for school or for the kids. She told me last year she was going to nominate me for an award but didn't know my name OR what school I was at - didn't matter - just the thought was enough!

I really think that using my brain a bit last night has been really good for me. It has been so long since I have been at work and I really needed that mental stimulation - maybe a combination of that and the new meds are actually helping - I hope so because I don't want to continue going like I have been!

Fingers crossed that I am starting to turn the corner a bit

Hi again @utopia. Just got home. My little girl has been released. She has a cracked cheekbone and lots of bruises on her arms and legs. She was riding a motorised pushbike - with no helmet!!!! Apparently the power wouldn't switch off and she had no brakes - does not surprise me - she's no angel - but one of my all time favourite kids! I had her for 2 years in grades 3 and 4 - absolutely love her - she's now in grade 7.

Did not like going into the hospital - so you know how much she means to me

Just going to try and relax again now I'm home - anxiety has risen a bit - can't sleep because have to go to chemist and GP in a couple of hours - so going to cuddle Toby and try to breathe through it for now.

Hope the shower helped you a bit, you can get some sleep and the itchy stops quickly for you.

Zoe

@utopia the little bugger is a bit of a hand full. She has been in so much trouble over the last few years - she even got suspended on her first day at high school But she is a beautiful kid - all I've ever received from her is 100% love. She gave me the biggest hug when I saw her - even though her face was hurting!! Her mum does love her and does what she can - but she has so many kids and such a crappy life herself that she just doesn't have the resources to deal with them. She is a good person but can't get her own sh*t together enough.

I am feeling like I should do more for them but I know I can't - they know I will help them in any way possible but at the moment I'm not able to do much - if only they knew how hard it was to go into the hospital!

I'm doing ok - anxiety is a bit high but under control for now. Toby is asleep next to me - he's really close so he must sense it! I finally received my paperwork in the mail today but nothing sent by email as yet. My GP will be furious if she hasn't received it. I took a quick look at all the forms and started stressing - so I put them aside for now. There is so much to go through and I am just not in the right headspace to cope with it. If I had them last night I would probably have them all completed by now - what a difference a small thing like visiting hospital can have - and I thought I was doing so well!

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself and tell myself this will pass and I will be ok but that is taking away any energy I had this morning. My Mum and Dad called in just before I found out about my girl in hospital - yes another visit - count is 4 visits in 6 days. They had been to their financial adviser or something like that and called in on their way hoem. It was nice to see Dad - and he just loves Toby (and Toby loves him) - so that was really cute to watch their interaction. They didn't stay long and because Dad was here too Mum couldn't crap on with her usual shite - so that was good too!

I hope you the itching to your face and head goes away quickly. Are you going to go back to work there this week? Or can they put you somewhere else that doesn't have the same sensitivities around you?

I'm going to have a shower and see if that relaxes me a bit more - can feel the anxiety rising a bit.

Will check back in before I go to my GP.

Zoe

@utopia My girl already knows Toby. She was in my class when I got him 3 years ago. I took him to school everyday for the first 3 weeks with me and he spent each day in the classroom. He comes to all outside of school activities I organise and she usually looks after him for me when she is there too. She is so lovely with him - anyone that is so lovely to animals has to be a good person in my eyes. She has just got a kitten and I think he will be really good for her - maybe she will want to spend more time with him and less time wandering around the streets getting into trouble!

My Dad and I do have a much better relationship now than when I was younger!!!! Confronting him when I did and dealing with his violence has certainly had a big impact on how he treats me now - and how we get along.

I think you are right - give the papers to my GP and let her sort out what I need to do from there - too much for me to think about - especially this afternoon. SH*T I am doing ok!!!!!!

The shower relaxed me a little and also woke me up a bit. I'm heading off now to my appointment - no doubt she'll be running late as usual so will probably be able to log on while I'm there. Chat later my beautiful friend - so glad to have you around supporting me so much - it really does mean a lot to me Only wish I could do the same for you