Is it crazy to find the relief of letting go that help isn't coming when it's gets to 5pm Friday.

Very interesting point of view @Former-Member . After reading your post, I can say I now get what you mean. It's a really interesting point and I'd never thought of it that way.

For me, weekends were always stressful because I felt that I couldn't reach out to people. But the point you raised about it being a relief because it means you don't have to be disappointed, really makes a lot of sense.

Do you have a psychiatric triage number you can call if you feel you are in distress? Surely there must be relay services that support with communication???? Right? Wrong?

From your post, I feel so many take it for granted that they can actually pick up the phone, dial a number and speak to someone. I hear how incredibly hard it is.

Is your mum helping you at all?

I don’t feel the relief you do. Instead, I feel overwhelmed. I’m just tired of the mental gymnastics to get thru a single day, the gimmicks I use to make it thru another week.

Yes, supposedly there IS help out there, but in the end, to be brutally honest, it is me that will get me thru to the next day, the next week, or the next month. Only, I’m so tired of trying to convince myself that I can that I’m exhausted from just the attempt to do so. Why try when I don’t really feel help is there?

What is the purpose?

Still, I find myself above ground each morning and so I trudge thru yet another day.

Thank you @tyme it is hard and a barrier when you can not just call for help. This eliminates about half the support services and I haven't found much aid in alternate routes.

Sadly the only public mh directs me to the hospital that I am currently in an investigation with them from their treatment. A trauma I have had no way to exhale yet due to other supports continually being declined from their incorrect information.

i am in survival and self preservation mode so until and if ndis comes through i am alone and i have learnt to just accept it try and narrate the story that im choosing to be isolated and alone. Trying to enjoy the aircon and tv show watching until or if anything changes. My mind can't take any more disappointment. I am exhausted from months of trying and fighting so hard so I am learning to let it go. It's not always easy but I'm figuring it out.

I total get you @Jaila @I wrote this the other day about this because the reality is help isn't always possible for people. Sometimes all you have is yourself and you are the one that gets you through everyday .

It's a one man journey

It is a one man journey, this mountain is bigger than any other one I have ever climbed and the obstacles, the defeats are surely greater than any before

I don't know where the finish line is, or where the place to rest for the night is, nothing seems to be in my sight and it's hard to not keep the losses the main score

I am not unaware that there are a certain few who may be watching on, cheering, hoping for your best, but the reality is that in the thick of it, you are it

No one can traverse the dark valleys that your mind goes in the middle of the night, sos is not achievable, I've tried and everyone is doing their own things

It's a hard conclusion to accept, when we are meant to be made to be intertwined, but I think some journeys are just destined for one man only

I don't know why only some have to wrestle this hurdle, I don't think their is equality in the fate of choice, but I can confirm at times it's incredibly lonely

I don't have any answers or resolves to tell you it's fair or it gets easier, I can only tell you if this is you I'm sorry, in my experience life doesn't always seem to be just or kind

I just hope you find strength within yourself, and even in the midst of an isolating and uncertain mountain I hope you can find rest, for the biggest battles to defeat in this journey are the ones within your mind

Yes I am so sorry. I will never understand why some people get support and some don't. I've done plenty of research and nothing is consistent.

I even have a friend who is struggling and asked what support she had then apologised because in my experience that is a triggering question because it reminds that there is no one. But she was able to list so much support then I realised oh man you just never know. Life is so different for everyone. I am sorry you've tried and no one has come @Jaila its a really defeating feeling.

I hear it is to hard @Former-Member , yet your resilience is inspiring. I really wanted you to know that.

Thank you @tyme I have a friend who I talk to in America she is a psychologist and I told her after the trauma, investigations, 14 weeks in hospital, navigating life with new disabilities and limited support and control over my life. This is my new stance. Learning to embrace the truth right now and look at in a different light and try to enjoy it. I still have moments. And I am a musician and find myself listening to the least music I have ever because my mind spirals and it puts me in emotional places.

however I have really started enjoying tv shows and the frequency meditation videos on YouTube. They help me avoid silence but also distract the mind in a way that is positive unlike music does for me. So after talking to my friend I concluded this is me still fighting. It's a new tactic and it's different but ultimately it's me trying to get through this part of life with anymore untethering.

Please continue to stay in touch. @Former-Member

Even if we can't 'fix' things, at least we can stay in touch and provide each other moral support?

yes very true thank you @tyme