Would like advice about my teenager

Firstly I want to appreciate you. Thanks for being so so vulnerable. This sounds really really hard.

also want to say that I am not a medical professional and that I am basing this entirely on my own experience.

what you are describing sounds like more then anxiety/ depression and sounds like a mood disorder.

I went through this exact same experience and have spent years invisible to everyone in public psychiatric health- spent years on the wrong medications , unhelpful treatment ect. Only got a proper diagnosis eight ago and I’m nearly 40! I wish someone had advocated for me and said “you’ve got this wrong”

I would strongly recommend that you push to have her referred to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist who can do a proper DSM 5 and mood disorder assessment to get a full picture of what is going on. You may need to doctor shop and fight them in this.

also really important here- self care there are plenty of resources for carers I think I even saw some here on the main page.

maybe also see your own therapist too. Whatever works for you.
a little analogy I like is that you need to fit your own oxygen mask first.

Try not to control or manage the situation when she’s in a dysfunctional state, the brains reasoning centre is off line “ elves has left the building”

let her know that you love her and you care but you are setting boundaries to keep you both safe.

I don’t know if any of this helps. Please know you are not alone

Thank you so much for understanding, you. I appreciate your advice and you are so right I have to push for that assessment and figure out how to get her to medical help as she is very deficient.

i have learned to switch off to the verbal abuse, I pray deep down she doesn’t mean it and just can’t regulate her emotions and understand the consequences of her behaviour.

I go to family therapy myself there is no chance she will come as well they are understanding but the rest of the time I am coping alone,

It really helps to share with non judgmental people, as a parent at times I feel like a failure and it’s a very lonely experience.

thanks again for also sharing your story and I wish you all the best.

Hi @EvE14

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. I can hear how overwhelming and worried for your daughter you must be in this situation. Well done for having the counselling supports in place for yourself, you're not alone in these types of situations. If you feel that there is more to things, than I would agree with you that it's worth pushing forwards for further assessment.

I know this is possibly something you've already tried, but what about focusing on your daughter's strengths, hobbies, likes? You mentioned that she no longer wanted to attend school. Is there something else that she likes to do, ie drawing, or netball, maths, hiking, spending time with animals? Could there be a some sort of tutor, program, or summer camp that centres around it? Maybe a change of focus might help alleviate some her agitation? You could still then push for a proper assessment, but the environment/focus being changed somewhat might reduce some of the more risky behaviours that are starting?

It's good that you have support for yourself with the family counselling. As @lostNclueless mentioned, there may also be resources, support groups, etc. available to you through the

Home | Carer Gateway

I really hope you are able to find some answers and supports for your family. You're not alone 🩵

I also witnessed my teen dropping out of school due to mental health.

Its very hard to grasp and impossible to understand.

My advice is to accept it; Her mental health must come first. Try and encourage her interests, maintaining key friendships. Until you have floor underneath them they will not want to engage in school.

The good news is there are alternate schools that cater for Children who have big gaps in there education.

Thank you for the reply.

I think it’s a really good idea to focus on hobbies. Her favourite activity used to be gymnastics, she went 3 times a week but sadly she decided to give it up.

She does like the outdoors especially horse riding and fishing, I do try to encourage her but many times she doesn’t want to. This is concerning as she is becoming isolated. I hope with the continued use of her medication and support from the mental health team she will feel better to take part in more activities. I am also hoping to adopt a dog for her and her sister.

Summer camp also sounds great when she is ready.

thank you so much for your advice and support, it does really mean a lot to me🙏🏻💙

Also... Some services may be able to offer a lived experience person for her to talk to her. Given her young age a young age, such a person might be able to relate to her.

Without being alarmist - mental health is a journey of discovery and recovery. A team of people are (normally) needed. Consider how you will find these resources; consider support organizations.

Thank you for letting me know about your experience. Yes I agree at the moment there is no point worrying about school. But initially I found it difficult to accept and worried so much about her getting an education. But she is just not in a place where she could engage with school. Now I have learned not to look too far ahead just go day to day.

thanks again and hope you are being supported in your situation 💛