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Struggling

livingdeaddollNew Contributor21 Oct 2024, 2:36 pm AEDT

Struggling

hello!! im very new 2 this community and have just recently gotten a bpd diagnosis and it's all been so overwhelming lately, and im severely struggling and thought maybe it'd help to talk about my situation, and hopefully get some advice or something because i could really use it right now. my apologies for such a lengthy post, but im doing terribly

not too long ago me and my boyfriend (of a year and 1/2) have broken up (its more like a break honestly, we agreed to date again when i feel at ease with myself) and it has been so painful. we've talked about a lot of things for 3 hours last week because he still really wants to be with me (this relationship also is very loving, but my bad mentality damages it a lot), but honestly i need to improve on myself. ive struggled so horribly with borderline personality that i have a really bad unstable self image, and i would love to feel secure with myself, but its so hard when it feels like the whole world is against me 😞 does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope? another thing is that i have a horrible habit of having random things set me off that shouldn't have even been that deep, how do people deal with not having such exaggerated emotions over genuinely everything? i could get upset over nothing and i really wish i didn't, but its like my mind is my worst enemy. 😞 and i have such a bad fear of abandonment that it makes me soooo clingy and attached most times and i really wish i could live without having to feel like i need reassurance just to live normally. does anyone have any advice or tips? i've tried taking days slow and getting myself things like sweet treats to look forward to the future, but honestly this is so painful i cry myself to sleep every night. any words would be greatly appreciated !! ❤️

edit: i've been in treatment doing DBT, although progress feels very slow and it's still quite new to me, so if anyone has any DBT skill recommendations i would be happy to hear!! i'll also be telling my psychologist/therapist about the situation tomorrow as well

6 replies

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In response to: Struggling

MJG017Senior Contributor21 Oct 2024, 2:48 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

@livingdeaddoll Welcome to the forum. Don't worry about a long post .. i do them all the time.

I dont have any experience with bpd but there are people here who do and can give you better advice than I could.

I have always struggles with a very poor self image though, and I have made some big improvments this year in that area. I think the main thing for me has been connecting to people who support me and reinforce those good things about me. It has really helped me to quieten those doubts and negative thoughts about myself enough to start to think more positive thoughts about myself that have become louder in my head ad Ive gone.

Im not sure it is even posdibe to ever get rid of those self doubts, but it definitely is possible to quiet them and let other thoughts through.

So that has been what has helped me so far, I hope reaching out here helps you as much as it has done for me.

In response to: Struggling

CarloSenior Contributor21 Oct 2024, 3:10 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

I am a carer for a person who appears to have BPD, but won't seek treatment.

It's great that you are working through this with your partner.

I just never know what the trigger will be for my partner. Having said this, and regardless of the trigger, I feel that working through some boundaries and what may help you when you are reactive are critical.

I have tried to work this out, but always seem to miss the mark.

Good luck with the process. Your views have helped me.

In response to: Re: Struggling

JynxModerator21 Oct 2024, 3:28 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

@MJG017 I believe @Carlo is responding to you 👆 did I get that right Carlo?

In response to: Re: Struggling

MJG017Senior Contributor21 Oct 2024, 3:38 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

@Jynx I think its a reply to @livingdeaddoll

In response to: Struggling

Cleo2Senior Contributor21 Oct 2024, 3:58 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

Hi @livingdeaddoll ( @MJG017 @Jynx @Carlo ).

Welcome to the world of BPD. It generally sucks but there are some perks - for example, you may likely be an empathetic and creative person.

Glad to hear you're doing DBT, that's great!, but just know that if it doesn't work out, there are other therapy options out there for you to try, so never give up. My favourite DBT exercise is the 4x4x4 breathing - you can do it in a crisis situation or any other time when you think you need it. And to help even out your emotions, make sure you do some kind of exercise. If you think you might be 'clingy' in relationships then have you tried journaling your feelings and thoughts as they happen?

Someone once told me to think of my emotions as waves, you've just got to ride them out. But that's easier said than done. In those moments, DBT techniques like listening to music or distracting yourself with a happy video can help.

All the best.

In response to: Struggling

AinjouleSenior Contributor22 Oct 2024, 6:48 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling

Hey @livingdeaddoll

I have BPD as well....and I have also been through DBT like you are going through now. I really need a refresher on the skills to be honest, it has been many years. Good on you for being pro-active about your recovery and doing DBT. It helped me a lot, and I'm sure it will help you too. Do you have any things you like to do when times get stressful? Personally if I am feeling stressed out I take a shower or listen to music, it can help a lot. When it comes to your emotions: DBT teaches that your emotions are valid, your actions may not be. So it's about working to modify your behaviour, not your strong emotions.

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