Listening to triggering music

hmm personally, i do think that maybe our current generation puts a lot more focus onto physical intimacy being key - and yes, it can be important, but also so many relationships end because of poor emotional or spiritual compatibilities too. @creative_writer i can hear that it's even more confusing when your mum and psych have two conflicting views, and they both have decent points to support each side.

i'm similar to you in the sense that emotional connection is really important to me. i could honestly live without physical intimacy but not emotional in a future partner. and genuine question... would it be that bad if you did get couples therapy to work on physical intimacy together?

Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel about marriage? @creative_writer It seems to be consuming your thoughts continuously and it sounds so hard to sit with these thoughts.

@creative_writer i think a lot of people in your mum's generation who are POC might have similar thought patterns, even my aunties/uncles have said similar things. i think a part of it comes down to the fact that 'arranged marriage' was common and there was limited time to build physical intimacy pre-engagement/marriage.

for some, physical intimacy is practically impossible without a strong emotional connection, while for others, it's the opposite. your psych and your mum aren't you, they don't have the same history or feelings as you, they also probably from different age groups and experienced different social expectations that have influenced their views. so i think the best judge of what's important for your relationship is... you. also wanna note that both your mum and psych give good points to consider, but that doesn't mean they're points will fit your journey perfectly... might need some tweaks to find what fits you!

and personally, i don't think there's anything wrong with getting your partner to attend therapy with you. people go to therapy for numerous reasons, and i think it sounds kinda intimidating/awkward because people aren't that open about it. why do you reckon it would be selfish? if your partner suggested therapy, would you view it the same?

if you're not ready, you're not ready - you can take your time! i imagine the stress of relationships and finding work is a lot at the moment, so do go easy on yourself and work at whatever peace feels comfy for YOU. i can really hear how overwhelming all this has been for you, i assure you, you will get through this in time 💜

@creative_writer yep that's very similar in my ethnic culture and religion too! my parents and many of my relatives are products of arranged marriages... my mum met my dad once before she got engaged to him. within a month, she was engaged, married, and moved to Aus with my dad. something i could NEVER EVER do personally. i totally understand the importance of getting family approval, i feel the same too.

i hear what you say, and i do agree that the statement isn't great. every relationship will have its flaws and issues, and for some its sex-related, for some it's emotional-based, for some it's family clashes, work-related, etc. it's almost like saying you need 'a perfect emotional state for a healthy relationship' or 'you and your partner's family need to get along perfectly for a healthy relationship'... like in the real world this is not possible 24/7... emotions change, relationships go through highs and lows, situations change! so i do think that saying 'sex must be good to have an healthy relationship' is kinda unrealistic and unfair... it's one factor but doesn't DEFINE a relationship. like we're not defined by one part of our life.

and it really sucks you feel that way, but you don't deserve to be blamed!! things like physical intimacy is a two-way street, the whole responsibility of it doesn't fall just on you. the point of a relationship is navigating these things TOGETHER. your a partnership, the blame doesn't just fall on you - a good partner would help you through this and work at your pace to get you comfy. you are so deserving and capable of being in a healthy relationship @creative_writer