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Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

jaysketteContributor13 Oct 2024, 7:20 pm AEDT

Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

Hi Forum. The website has changed since my last log on so feel free to move this to another place.

I was just about to head off to drive interstate to support my parents with attending court. The police came and impounded my car due to someone driving the car failing to stop for flashing lights. It wasn't me at the time quoted. Initially my husband denied it was him then later told me that he was adamant that he didn't see any lights. After awhile of trying to gather evidence and googling traffic lawyers he has acknowledged he is at rock bottom. But he seems to be freezing every time I mention seeking help again.I told him that I have supported him through his traffic, police and mental health issues for several years now and am getting to the point where I cannot any more so I said he HAS to call a lawyer and start the legal process.

FYI we both have complex mental health issues. Husband has failed to go to the doctor, follow up with a possible ADHD diagnosis, continue with his job caring for people with autism that is contingent on a good driving record, failed to take meds, restarted on drinking and smoking to excess. Before, I was able to let him live his own life because my salary was enough to support both of us. But becuase of the cost of living I am now reliant on his 2 day a week job's income, that is if he doesnt spend half of it on drugs already. Therefore I just wanted to know HOW to actually go about telling him to get help, because I have exhausted all sorts of options and I can't help him any more.

3 replies

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In response to: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

tymeModerator13 Oct 2024, 7:55 pm AEDT

Re: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

Hey @jayskette ,

I'm sorry to hear he has acknowledged hitting rock bottom but I not yet willing to seek help.

Would he be open to you starting the support process but then he go through with it?

From my own experiences, as low as someone may be, THEY need to seek support. They are the ones that need to seek help.

I hope you find a way to gently guide him, even if it means putting your foot down so he has to do it.

In response to: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

LostAngelSenior Contributor13 Oct 2024, 8:00 pm AEDT

Re: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

OMG you are going through alot right now all I can offer is that people on here will very much show empathy and compassion Im sorry for whats happening for the both of you right now ,I think its definetly difficult trying to get someone the help they really really clearly need but at the same time yes its something that people have to want for themselves they should want help themselves its very hard to help others if they arnt first taking little steps themselves to help themselves always here to listen if that at least helps take care Lost Angel

In response to: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

MJG017Senior Contributor13 Oct 2024, 8:13 pm AEDT

Re: Acknowledged at rock bottom but will not seek help

Hi @jayskette, it sounds like a very difficult situation. Your husband definitely needs to get some help, legally and healthwise. He does seem to want to avoid it, so I think you just need to set some boundaries and tell him that he needs to get some help, and the drug use needs to end. He may not take it well, but allowing him ton continue like this is not helping him in anyway, let alone the impact on you as well.

Maybe if you offered to go with him to see someone to support him, he would be more open it it?? It just feels like his self destructive behaviour is just going to get worse over time until he does seek some help. Unfortunately, that task to make him see it has fallen to you. Is there other family/friends you could get to come together to have a word to him?

So i just think you need to lay down the law and tell him going to a doctor at the very least is a non-negotiable. I know it's difficult and probably not a pleasant conversation, but it is the only way to help him now. And maybe more importantly, to help yourself as well. I wish you all the best with however you decide to proceed. We're here if you need it.

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