I’m incapable of being Normal

Hey @Paige2024, thank you for sharing your experiences with the Forums community!

It sounds like you have been going through a tough time for quite a while and you are demonstrating your strength and resilience by reaching out to your peers on the Forums. It's hard to talk about what we go through with others, and you are being really brave sharing your experiences.

I relate to feeling sick all the time as that is very similar to my experiences for a really long time. I don't have it all the time now, but it does come back unexpectedly sometimes. I have some coping techniques I'd be happy to share some time if you think it would be beneficial.

It can be really hard with psychologist other formal supports who don't have a lived experience of MH. Have you seen SANE's Guided Recovery program where you can have 1:1 sessions with a Peer Support Worker? PSW's have their own lived experiences with MH and get what people go through even if they don't share the same diagnosis. Take a look and see if you think it will be beneficial for you: Guided Service

The Forums are a great place to meet people who share some of the same experiences too. I encourage you to continue to post and connect with other Members here in the community. The is also the Recovery Club is you prefer a self-guided approach to support too: Recovery Club

Thanks again for sharing your experiences with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal

@Paige2024 I can identify with a lot of what you wrote. Im now in my 50s and dealt with very similar issues my whole life. I have tried psychologists for the first time in my life over the past year and found them not to be very helpful.

I think a lot of people who struggle like this develop a strong sense of empathy for others. We can also tend to think more about helping others than ourselves. It can be so difficult to reach out to people and admit we are struggling. We display this 'mask' for so long and so consistently that the people around us dont think we are struggling at all, but also know that we are always there to support them.

I think you feel like you've lost control of who you are, because you in a way, have. Those doubts and feelings have become so loud and the way we see ourselves so low that we assume everyone else sees us the same way.

I tought I was broken, unworthy, and abnormal for so, so long. I reached out for help the for the first time a little over a year ago... the first thing I discovered from talking to other people.... i was far, far from abnormal and that a lot of people struggled with the same things.

So I can't say you just need to change and just start being open with people and that you are far more normal than you think, but i remember how difficult that was to start doing. But talking to people about how you feel is a great start, as mine was when I first reached out here earlier this year. I hope you find it equally helpful, because no one deserves to feel this way. We're here to support you however we can.

@Paige2024 (@MJG017 @RiverSeal). You sound very normal to me. So I will talk to you as I would talk to my younger self. Don't bottle things up, get angry when you are angry, get happy when you are happy. Don't feel ashamed of your emotions. It is okay to feel angry without a justifiable reason. Your feelings are justification enough. Learn how to express your feelings in ways you feel comfortable (from your therapist). We all have to wear 'masks' in life to get by, the trick is remembering that they are not the person inside. Don't be a 'giver' all the time. People don't care about 'givers' and you'll always end up feeling drained and unhappy in all relationships. Ask your therapist about assertive language and find out what you'd be comfortable saying to others when setting boundaries etc. You'll feel bad at first but then it gets easier over time. If your therapist can't help you, try looking up non violent communication (NVC). It's a good place to start.