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Family member won’t accept help

W_WNew Contributor10 Oct 2024, 6:55 pm AEDT

Family member won’t accept help

Hi, new here, 1st post. My 22 year old nephew, recently socially transitioning to my niece, has been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Over the last 18 months her mental health has significantly reduced to the point now where she refuses to speak to neither her mother nor her father, barely communicates with her grandmother and sees me as the only person who understands her. Her extreme fury towards her parents is completely confusing to me as whilst no family is perfect, she has been supported and loved her whole life. She still lives at home, wants to move out but we have no idea how to help her make this happen, and she further refuses to take any kind of anti-anxiety or mood regulator. She leaves the house only really to get food and has no ability to regulate her emotions. I had made her an appointment today to see her GP to at least evaluate her ADHD meds but she didn’t end up going despite asking me to make the appointment.
Her mother, myself and her grandmother are at a loss on what to do. She wound up in hospital twice last year from violent meltdowns which haven’t happened to the same extent this year but we do feel she is somewhat of a ticking time bomb.
I guess my question is, how can we help someone who is an adult but refuses to do anything that could help her and certainly will not take one single piece of communication or support from her mother.
Also, I live interstate so she calls me regularly I think so I can say the right thing to alleviate some of her anxiety. Obviously this often does not work.
thanks for listening.

3 replies

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In response to: Family member won’t accept help

tymeModerator10 Oct 2024, 9:02 pm AEDT

Re: Family member won’t accept help

Hey @W_W ,

Thank you for posting.

I'm sorry to hear your niece do not feel connected to her mother/grandmother.

In a way, I'm glad she is open to speaking to you. I wonder if the distance helps? I can see you care about her a lot.

It may be just being there to support her and in the long run, continue to keep close to her?

Have you ever asked why she is not open to speak to her mother?

In response to: Family member won’t accept help

MJG017Senior Contributor10 Oct 2024, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: Family member won’t accept help

Hi @W_W, welcome to the group and sorry to hear you, and your niece are going through such a difficult time. It seems like you cant really do much at the moment as she seems to not want to take any advice. It seems the best you can do at the moment, as the person she feels able to speak to, is to just keep listening and being there for her. Maybe trying to gently nudge her to get some help.

I wonder where this fury with her parents comes from? Is it just that they are the closest people to her physically or distance wise so shes focusing her anger towards them? You with your much greater distance from her, makes her feel like she can talk to you? Maybe if you keep speaking with her, you can get her to try to explain why this is the case. It does sounds like and incredibly difficult situation. I wish I had some better advice or ideas for you. Maybe of you contact a counseling service, even one of the free online or phone ones, you could get some strategies from them. I wish you the best, and hope you niece can start to accept some help and support soon.

In response to: Family member won’t accept help

dehahaSenior Contributor15 Oct 2024, 1:20 am AEDT

Re: Family member won’t accept help

Hi @W_W

I am sorry to hear that your neice and your family are going through a very difficult time.

As a mum of a transgender child, I understand that you want to be as supportive of every aspect of a child's life as possible.

Unfortunately, like with everything, it's very difficult to help someone who isn't wanting to help themselves.

Something that may be helpful for your neice to help her socialise a little and have some peer support and encouragement towards medical/mental health issues, are Transgender support groups. There are lots of them, at different locations and times.

While my daughter was already receiving mental health help when she transitioned for other reasons, she got the most from her support groups. And 9 years later, she still has a lot of the friends she made when she started going.

I know that this is only a small thing in regards to what you are all going through, but it may be a helpful stepping stone.

Wishing you all the best.

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