Wide awake at midnight with racing thoughts

Hi @Carebear, welcome to the forums

It certainly does sound as though this has been a really hard year for you both you and your partner, and while I hear that your partner has been through a great deal I am concerned about the way that you have described him taking these emotions out on you.

Does your partner have any forms of support to help him with his PTSD symptoms?

I'm also wondering if you have any supports yourself that you've been able to lean on or talk to about this? If it's something that you're open to, 1800Respect provides specialised support and resources to promote respectful relationships, they might also be great to talk to about this.

How are you feeling this morning, did you get some sleep eventually?

Hi @Carebear, welcome to the group. I can understand how much your partner must be dealing with at the moment, but he really needs to speak to someone as directing all this anger and frustration towards you isn't in any way fair or acceptable. He really do need to get some help and support to deal with his issues. I know it must be so difficult right now, but letting this continue, obviously doesn't help you, but it's not helping him either.

I agree with @Ru-bee in that a call to 1800RESPECT may prove helpful and give you some guidance. I just fear that if left as it is now, things will just spiral out of control and the relationship destroyed.

I hope you are now managing to get some sleep and we're here to support you with whatever you want from us. Take care of yourself and I really hope this whole situation can be improved soon.

Hi @Carebear

It sounds like you have taken on a caring role, worried about your partner. It can't be easy when things then become fraught between the two of you. I hear that you're worried about his lack of connection to his family, I wonder whether your partner would be open to the suggestion of counselling or even couple's counselling?

It's a lot to take on the responsibility for the wellbeing of our families. As some others have mentioned, when it crosses to disrespect, there's also the need to prioritise your own wellbeing. Have you read about vicarious trauma? I'm not suggesting that you have it, but it can occur when people are caring for others, as the grief and trauma can entangle people. You might have a look here, if interested: Vicarious Trauma

What do you have in your life that makes you happy? Friends, hobbies? Can you treat yourself to some kindness? 🌸

Hi @Ru-bee

Yes, he is getting professional support from his Psychologist for his PTSD. He is ex-Navy which is where his PTSD has come from. He has been seeing his Psychologist for many years.

I've suggested couples counselling to which he didn't think was necessary.

He has said many a time when his Mum was alive that she is the only one who loves him and looks out for him. What am I, chopped liver? When she was alive he would talk to her every day. When she was in the Nursing Home he would visit her every day and when she was bed ridden he would visit her up to 3 times a day.

Because I refuse to take on his late Mum's role of keeping him and his Dad and Siblings 'together', that hasn't gone down well.

I've got access to free psychology supports, DV Connect being one of them.

I would help take care of her with things that he didn't want to do such as feeding her, bathing her (I only did this a couple of times) etc. If I didn't do these things when we were both visiting her, he would get angry at me. I put this down to grief at the time.