Left abusive relationship, now to giving up the pot

Hi @Georgiegirl

Firstly welcome (or welcome back) to the forums

It sounds as though you've been going through some really big changes in your life recently and putting in a lot of work to take care of your wellbeing. That's not an easy thing to do, so good on you!

It's so wonderful to hear that you're already starting to feel that you're back to yourself after leaving that relationship. Again, I bet that was no easy thing, but what a relief it must be to feel free again, as you mentioned in your post.

With all these big changes in your life I'm glad that you've been able to reach out here. Going through change, even positive changes, can be hard so it's a good time to seek some extra support. Do you have anyone in your life who you've been able to lean during this time?

Your last line made me laugh, but I think it'd be hard to read your post and not encourage or validate you!

Thank you for your encouragement and kindness.

I have to remember not to feel sorry for him, not to think of him and his needs, because he's not thinking of mine. He's feeling sorry for himself, if I think about and care about him, who's thinking and caring about me?

Again, thank you.

Hi @Georgiegirl, welcome back. I'm in my 50s as well, so I completely understand that work always needs to be done... even for us guys.

You certainly have been through a lot. Reading it all I can't help but be very impressed by how you're rebuilding your life. It takes so much strength and courage so you should be extremely proud of yourself. It will take time though, so wanting it all now is ambitious, but I think you know that already. I have found this group so helpful since I joined earlier this year so I really hope you find it equally helpful. You definitely wont feel alone here. That encouragement and validation from speaking to supportive people goes a long way as well 🙂

I would say just keep on doing what you're doing and things will start to improve. I've also found in-person support groups good as well as it gives me a chance to get out of the house and talk to people, but it took me a while to build up to that. I started with just online and the help from that helped me to find other supports.

Thank you for writing to me, and for your kind words. Things do take time, it's taken me a long time to get my independence back, and as much as I am looking around for new opportunities and new friends, I am conscious that the techniques I used in the past were not helpful, and I need to change.

I watched a great YouTube video from a young philosopher about loneliness, and he discussed how he had ideas of what he wanted in the human world, but he had subconscious ideas about himself, and his and others worth, that made him not a good potential for friendship.

I want to find friends, but I want to be conscious of my true attitudes, much of which has been created through traumatic experiences.

Thank you again.

Great to have you with us @Georgiegirl .

Thank you for sharing your remarkable story and how you have persevered and pushed through incredible challenges to better yourself.

Your story is so powerful and inspirational.

I look forward to getting to know you more on the forums.

Thank you for your reply and kindness. This is a great resource; I think I'll stick around! 😄

Hi @Sooth ,

How was your day today?

Did you keep yourself busy?

We are thinking of you. What do you like to do in your spare time?

Hey @Georgiegirl , how are you today? What have you been up to?

Hello,

Thanks for your message.

I have had a mixed day. On the one hand, I had a handyman come and hang a mirror which is absolutely an objet d'art, which I found at St Vinnies for only $50! I put it in the room I have recently converted to a home gym.

About 2 weeks ago, my long wished for treadmill arrived. And I have had some luck getting a very cheap new rug, and a squat bench, also for a good price. I already had dumbells, and a yoga mat.

This is the next step, I guess, of the journey I'm on. I want to promote my poetry novels at poetry slams and open mic nights, even find a way to create YouTube videos of the narration of them, or some of them.

But to do all that, and also to find new social contacts, I would like to be more self- confident about you know, figure, face, clothes etc.

I have disordered eating, which is a pretty simple fix, I just have to stop drinking so much coffee, and at the same time, start eating so I can commence the training regimen.

I lost 65kgs in 2018, in only 10 months, due to meal replacement shakes, mostly, but I also did a lot of exercise. (A lot). I got a lot of pleasure out of both the result, and the process.

I am looking forward to getting moving again, and the potential that holds. I am also doing a course on an app called Imprint, I think? About human relations basically. How to build rapport, and eventually maybe more. (Rhyme, sorry)

As I said, I have written some poetry, and I hope the mods allow me to share my favourite, my absolute mantra. It is almost insultingly simple, and not representative of the rest of my work.

My Manifesto

Positivity is the answer

A filter for the pain

Chaotic life or no, my dear

The pain is there the same

Accept the truth, hold on to it

You have a reason to be sad

Let that be a source of strength

Not an excuse for bad

Find a way to build a bridge

Walk across the filthy muck

Don't let people get you down

And give a pleasant f**k

I sent that to the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** yesterday. I wonder if he will reply, lol.

I am not lonely. I am enjoying the educational apps on my phone, and I have some books on Kindle I haven't read yet,. I'm preparing myself to attack Aristotle's Nichomachean Principles. But I might just read Miles Franklin's My Brilliant Career again.

I haven't used dope, although that is only a half truth, as I cleaned the resin out of my bong. But I can only do that once, and I am motivated to not purchase any more. As I said, I haven't had 'green since Sunday.

In more personal reflections, I am dealing with my fractured relationship with my Mum. I feel that she never took the time to know me, gave me very bad advice as a child, and when I had my head injury at 16, disregarded all my burgeoning personality, as being the head injury, not who I really am, but as I say, she never took the time to see me as anything ither than the cardboard cut-out of 'her daughter'. I've said in the past I wrote my books to explain myself, but I thought I meant the health community. But I wonder if in a strange perverted way, I wrote this explanation because I have felt unseen, and misunderstood.

Misunderstood and I don't understand

Overstated, underhand.