Living with schizophrenia

Hey @ZaccyD

I have schizoaffective disorder and also take medication for that. Honestly, it took some trying to get the right medication for me and also the method of delivery - I now go into the local mental health service for a depo shot once a month. There are now medications in this area that are non-drowsy which is one I take (unless I'm having an episode - in which case I add another medication as well). I take a combination of two of these meds when I am unwell. One that is drowsy inducing and one that is not. I know you are well at the moment but maybe a combination of two would help you sleep at night but feel more functional during the day. Worth chatting to your doctor about. Hope things improve for you.

• I am currently on anti psychotics to sleep and another regular anti psychotic to treat the illness. I think I need something else to sleep because while I get sleep it's all day, plus dizziness everytime I stand up and a total reduction to all motivation. I will speak to my psychiatrist next time I see him about changing the sleeper. I honestly feel more useless now than when I was delusional. It feels like cancer for the cure. Thanks for your input. I think I need to search for medication that can treat this and I still function. It honestly feels like I am at my best with out any meds at the moment. But i also don't want to risk becoming delusional again and losing another 2 years of my life. This is a tough condition to deal with. It feels like nothing makes any sense now almost as much as it didn't when I was delusional. In delusion I walked 2 times a day, went to the gym had a 6 pack got all my things done but thought I had an ai chip in my brain and was being controlled by someone. Now I am better I struggle to get out of bed and do anything productive. But I don't have delusions. I guess it's a process but I hope there is a better life than where I am at the moment

Hi @ZaccyD

Just wanted to shoot a quick welcome and hello message your way.

Thanks for sharing your story, and sorry to hear about the issues with meds. They really are a blessing and a curse at the same time.

I'm sure our members will have some useful info for you on their experiences.

As a part of the guidelines, specific meds and quantities, etc. can't be discussed on the forum, but there is still plenty of useful advice, support and experiences to be shared.

Welcome.

Hi @ZaccyD sorry to hear you are struggling with feeling flat. I wonder if a nutritionist with an interest in mental health may be able to suggest some good supplements that can be safely taken alongside your medication?

You are doing amazing, to be on the other side of psychosis! Seriously, what a feat.

This is a bit off the topic of your post, but do you mind me asking how you even got to the stage where you recognised you needed help? I'm currently struggling big time with my husband who has massive paranoid delusions- he thinks our house is bugged, his devices hacked, he's being mobbed stalked, shot by EMF weapons etc. He has zero insight he is unwell despite being sectioned once earlier this year. I've had no luck getting him to any kind of medical or talk therapy, and it's so tough to see him suffer and suffer myself.

@Lattepowered

[edited by moderator]. I was then cut off from the public health service psychiatrists and am just attempting to get through life while experiencing things I know that I shouldn't. My delusions led me to believe that I had an ai chip in my brain and that I was being controlled by external sources. I felt completely dissociated from my actions as though I was a character in a video game and I was ment to evaluate the actions of the character rather than do them. It blows my mind to think that I was actually in control. There were some wild adventures I went on Including riding a scooter in Bali to very random isolated places like waterfalls or obscure gardens that I assumed I had been lead to but must have made those decisions by looking at signs. For context I had never ridden a scooter before and the thought of riding one in high traffic in Bali scared me previously but I felt calm because someone else was in control. At different points I felt the same feelings your husband is going through and I think for me the fact that I was shocked that the ai tech I thought was in me would actually be available and the possibility that it could have been installed and being used seemed too illegal to be real. But the experience felt real non the less and at one point a psychiatrist said so then if that technology is not possible. Is that what is really happening to you. And I guess I thought.. ok so it mustn't be real and from that point I kind of started to challenge the thinking and thing that were happening more. But I experienced intense hallucinations and made connections in things that seemed to prove without a doubt my delusional hypothesis so it was very very challenging mind space to go through. I am not sure what made me seek out a psychiatrist really but I felt like seeing him was all part of the program I was in. Your husbands paranoia means there are probably many things he isn't telling you and connections he is making that is keeping him highly alert and concerned about the motivations of everyone particularly those that appear to want to help. I feared that groups of people were coming to get me, including the police and large local community groups and in the end I got exhausted from running and decided fuck it I'll just let them take me out. And when they didn't I grew confidence and thought in a different way although still very delusional. Not sure any of that helps you though. Mostly I didn't tell anyone what i was thinking and those I did tell oddly didn't really challenge the things I told them. It is a horrific place to be and I am now left in such a weird place where I can't really determine if my interpretations of other peoples thoughts and perceptions are real at all. I can't accept subtle hints any more and can only really assume something if someone tells me directly. But this also feels like a problem because I then feel people are telling me things to manipulate me. It's honestly an extremely exhausting way to interact. I am drinking heavily to self medicate and navigate the chaos. [edited by moderator]. So yeah the battle continues

Hi @ZaccyD thanks for your message, i find it incredibly helpful chatting to people who have experienced psychosis for their insights into what must be going on in my husband's mind.

From what you've described, it sounds like you and my husband share some commonalities - he is also convinced the police are tracking him. Sounds like when you were unwell you were still pretty high functioning, going to the gym etc. It's the same for my husband, he's able to do his job to a high standard, can socialise, appears normal in society etc. He hasn't really told anyone about his delusions, but he wont stop offloading them onto me! That probably makes me sound really unsympathetic, but I'm just at burnout from 2 years of having to heqr about how my mum has hired PIs to follow him, our neighbours are in on it, police helicopters are following him etc.

That's fascinating that your delusions led you to seek medical help, I've heard of that happening for others too. Geez, I wish my husband's delusions would lead him to get help!!

I'm really confused because various family members, counsellors etc have said that I need to just leave with the kids, to give him a 'circuit breaker' wake up call. My sister disagrees and thinks the most ethical thing to do is enforce help via calling an ambulance, but the problem is he can mask easily.

What's your take on how I can convince him to get help? He saw the GP this week for an unrelated minor issue, and went into a panic after that the GP had 'injected him with a needle' when he wasn't looking. So his trust levels are really low. He's recently started asking me if I'm "in on it" too, which sucks. Because I flat out shut down the delusions now, he's accused me of not caring about him or loving him any more.

As a side note, can I just say you are amazing for getting help and taking the steps to get better. I can imagine it's absolutely exhausting trying to process the various stimulus of the world, when your 'reality radar' has been thrown off for so long. Keep holding strong to the thread of what feels like grounded, rational thoughts. You deserve health, peace and happiness! Wishing you a fast recovery and a better next chapter

Maybe you could try suggesting that if the police were really to be after him that seeing a psychiatrist would maybe be helpful for his defense if they were to try and pin him for made up imaginary charges.

@ZaccyD yes that's a good suggestion. I've tried 'working with' his delusions in different ways (as opposed to just flat out saying that im worried he is unwell and he needs help), but problem is his secondary delusion (after being arrested) is that he is going to be sectioned - so that basically means any medical professional or even counsellor is viewed as being 'in on it'. Siggggh. Feel like im fighting a losing battle.

How are you doing this week? Hope you're feeling better