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Spending time apart

TornupContributor24 Sept 2024, 3:24 pm AEST

Spending time apart

Hi I was wondering if there are people out there with BPD who have some ideas on how to cope with time away from your partner.

Background is my mental health is not very good right now and so my partner and I have decided that instead of basically living together I will only stay at his place on weekends but see each other for dates and fun stuff during the week instead of living the domestic life where I am constantly picking at him and the fight or flight kicks in and then I get into my head. Time away from each other to reset and to find ourselves again.

I just need some ideas that I can look at when I am struggling. When I'm thinking he doesn't love me because he's coping with it better or when he doesn't "seem" like he is missing me. I know I'm letting my illogical brain take over and instead of enjoying the time I spend with my partner I'm being a total bitch.

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In response to: Spending time apart

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor24 Sept 2024, 6:42 pm AEST

Re: Spending time apart

Hi @Tornup ,

I have BPD and Ive navigated much of it’s ups and downs.

It sounds like you have discussed what’s been happening with your partner and this is a feasible solution for now.

For me, I could sense that people I was close to really just needed a break sometimes. This was because I struggled with boundaries. For me, it was all or nothing. To be honest, it was hard when they tried to set boundaries. My because BPD brain told me it was because they hated me or didn’t care. But now in retrospect, they needed space to breathe.

Many years onwards, I appreciate those who can set boundaries as a way to protect both parties. This is important in any relationship.

For me, I had to tell myself that this is part of BPD recovery. To allow myself to have these moments of feeling uncomfortable as a way of moving forward.

Hope this helps a bit.

In response to: Spending time apart

rav3nSenior Contributor24 Sept 2024, 6:53 pm AEST

Re: Spending time apart

Hi again @Tornup !! Welcome to the forums & thanks for sharing a bit about yourself 😊

I don't have personal experience with BPD so I'll let those who do answer your questions. Relationships can be tricky to navigate at times, you're definitely not alone!
I thought I'd share some resources for you to check out while you wait for other community members to hop in:

Mental Health Webinar 4 // Living Life Well with B... - SANE Forums - We have a webinar tomorrow night (this is the same one I mentioned to you in the other thread), there'll be time for a Q&A as well so perhaps something you can bring up there!
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) (sane.org) there's fact sheet and guide with some resources too! There's also resources for carers/family/friends, etc., that you can share with your partner too so they can support you too
People Experiencing BPD (bpdfoundation.org.au) some more resources
You can also read through and find other people's stories/experiences by searching key words like 'bpd partner' in the search tab of the forums

I think speaking to a professional about these feelings/thoughts might be worth a shot too! 💙

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