Losing hope

Hey @Chelsea9 ,

I'm TOTALLY hearing you!

I'm a BPD survivor here. Relationships can be so triggering for me too, and yes, I tend to stay away from them as much as possible.

Yet I hear the other side. If you stay away from relationships, you end up feeling lonely and isolated instead - right?

I felt a similar way in the past. I used to feel depressed when I see people I've known move on, get married, have kids, go on holidays... I felt I was 20 years behind... it was so depressing!

After a while, I promised I would stop comparing myself to others. I worked on myself instead, and at this point, although I've still quite avoidant to close relationships, I can't say I feel lonely anymore. I talk to more people than I want to....

Besides that, fast forward a few years... you know how I said I used to look at all the people settling down, getting married and having kids etc??? Now, I see so many breaking up and going through separation.... in a way, I feel, "at least I don't have to go through that"

@Chelsea9 , I hope you find a way to work on yourself and better yourself 🙂 Remember, you are amazing as you are. I hope you find the connection on these forums invaluable as you navigate this life journey 🙂

Hi @Chelsea9

I've always had similar issues with relationships. For me though, a relationship was always both the one thing I always wanted and the thing I feared the most. The latter always won. It took my until I was in my mid 40s for my first relationship and that pretty much a massive bit of luck.

So I do know what its like to give up hope. By about my mid 30s I guess, I realised if it hadn't happened yet, it was never going to. It's hard to get that hope back again. For me, it was talking to people who understood a lot of what I was going through on a forum just like this one, so maybe posting here will lead to a similar success for you. It may be that for now, you might just need some people to talk to to ease that feeling of loneliness. I think anything like this takes a while and small steps rather than some big instant change.

I've also dealt with psychologists over the past year or so and found that the first three didn't help me much, but number 4... so far, after 1 visit, seems promising. He definitely feels like a much better match for me. I don't know how many you've had, but maybe you just haven't found the right one yet. For me, it was finding one who specialised in the issues I felt I have.

I wish you all the best in working on your triggers and getting the right support around you. I know it's hard but try not to give up hope. You don't have to have a lot, I found that just a little was enough to keep me thinking of new things to try.

Thank you! It’s really good to hear that you were able to find someone that you felt safe with.

I normally get to the 2 month mark and start getting paranoid and run away.

In my adult life I’ve been to three and I really like the one I had most recently, she helped me revisit the BPD diagnosis that I had kinda been dormant for a while.

Thank you for your kind words! As much as BPD has it’s taboos, some pretty empathetic and kind people are produced out of that struggle.

You’re so right, I don’t know one relationship that isn’t without it’s struggles and frustration seems to be present in pretty much all of them.

I’m glad you’ve found people who make you feel surrounded and even better that you feel like there are too many haha. Maybe I’ll find that here.