When all is lost over and over and over, no hope, afraid to be happy,

I look and come across to people like a fully capable, able, confident, strong, fit women.... really if it's not fixing things (anything) crafts or tattooing, I'm not capable... paperwork, phone calls, doctors, cooking, and much more... there was a time where I could do it all, including the all of that for my mum my brother my sister, was a youth worker a singer parent, took on my nephew (no verbal autistic) volunteered in 3 different committees for sports and whatnot groups in my community. There wasn't anything I could do.. now.....

Today I wouldn't even write a book on my life it's too unbelievable... no memory, my body fails me, literally not able to face any thought of reality it cripples me mind body and soul.....

I've been to doctors, drug and alcohol counseling, transitional care uint, begged to have proper pshycs see me that's affordable, all I want at the end of the day is a house suitable so I can have my 3 kids living back with me.....