I'm sorry

@BlueBay

aaawwwww you are such a sweatie!

Dont feel bad, you need to concentrate on yourself to get better. There is no point you supporting others if you are not in a good place. You need to put yourself first!

Look sometimes I feel like that but I realise from what someone else had said to me, everyone has their own triggers and issues. Sometimes its too hard to reply, I get like that if I'm really down or not in a good place. There are times that you have no choice but to look after yourself first. You cant look after others if you are not well yourself.

You have been there for me countless times and I appreciate it every time because I understand what you are going through and how sometimes just replying to a post is sooo hard - I get it and so does everyone else.

YOU HAVE NO NEED TO APOLOGISE!!!!!

Just negative thought processes @BlueBay .... and the fact that you truly do care.

Please don't stay away for this reason.

Now is your time to lean in others for support more than the people who are not struggling quite so much, or have been through tougher times and come out the other side, giving them more time and energy to give back to others,

Rather than beating yourself up over this, just create a new pattern maybe ? On the days when you are not struggling so much, post three supportive posts for others .... this is just an example by the way.

Someone speaking out about not feeling supported is an opportunity for us as a community to step up a little more in this area if we can .... not everyone will be in a mind or heart space where they able to.

We can also celebrate that they have communicated so clearly their needs and what we can do to help them more .... this is another positive at least.

Send some special wishes the way of the person you are feeling for and let them know you care.

🤗💜💕

hi @BlueBay

I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. In a forum like this I think we have to form a community of people that are able to freely move through the forums as we need to. As we have our own struggles we need to be able to pull back to protect ourselves at times.. or when feeling ok (not pressured into) read and support others where we can. There are some posts (new/old members) that i might not feel comfortable in talking through/ or simply not have a connection/familiarity/knowledge to contribute meaningfully to that conversation.

Sometimes i have to be careful about what/where i answer posts because i get so stuck in a negative view of the world that i know i wouldnt want to write certain things if i was able to view different perspectives so i try to wait...

You have been good at reaching out and asking directly for support when you need it as well (which is a good thing!) and so people may know better what you need and how to support you.

I hope that the tears are cleansing and you are able to give your self a bit of a hug, and gently nurture you this morning,

take care

ohhh my wonderful , caring friend @BlueBay xx

sending you hugs

Aw @BlueBay

Don't feel bad - you are here and speak your mind - reaching out for help when you are struggling and you have been for months - and you do ask how I am from time to time

But you have so much happening in your life - you have to care for yourself first and it is good that you are doing that - I do believe that is what these forums are all about - people asking for the help they need and those who are able responding from the strength they have gain through their own lives and the help they have received from their own resources - and through the activity on these boards.

You feel you don't know what to say - that's pretty normal - no everyone has the gift of the gab - but as someone suggested write three comments to help people on your good days - and that's just on your good days - that would not be on your bad days -

And I feel we really know you - you have openned up to us - and all I read is people really caring - and no one can talk about you behind your back here - at least I don't know how anyone can do that in such a well moderated site - I think if people really had bad thoughts they would just not post - but plenty of people post

When I am not up to posting - I don't come in - I might read the mail without deleting it - yesterday I had a crappy day - I had nothing at all to give - and I really didn't have anything to share either - I felt like a turtle pulled into its shell and totally closed off - and some days I am busy and don't have time to get into the computer - boy - one thing this site is really good for is helping people to fill in their time in a socially helpful way - I find that is true for myself anyway

We all need love, care and attention - it is a human condition - one purpose of our lives is to love and be loved - to nurture and to be nurtured. It depends on the continuum of these needs as to where we are when it comes to giving and receiving -

Personally - I think you are a very kind and sensitive person - and you have been badly hurt - and when someone as close as your own family members have abused you in any way - and esp the way your mother treated you - it is hard to realise that most people do not feel that way toward you - that most people are kind and decent without a need to strike out and hurt you - and do not have negative thoughts about you

And - here's the thing - as you come out of the shell you have used to protect yourself all these years you are finding th world and it stings you at times - and you have yet to grow the shell that will protect you - you don't have to worry about people being angry with you or hating your or talking about you

My Gran used to say - "What the eye does not see the heart does not grieve over" and I have lived by this my whole life. What we do know can cause us grief - but that's not bad either

Give your self time - when the Titanic was sinking do you think people worried about other people when they were getting themselves into the lifeboats? Oh yes - they cared about those they loved but when it came to getting a boat - they got into one as fast as possible. I wasn't there but I read about that analogy years ago and love it

So - go for your life boat girl - we are busy doing the same - so we are among those you love and those you love you

Dec [hugs]

Hi @pip@Decadian@Shaz51@utopia@NikNik@Change123

I'm sorry i am not coping well today. I know i am so damn sensitive that whenever i read something i automatically take it that i am the one who is causing the problems.

@Decadian i am crying because i have been hurt and i am still hurting. i don't want this anymore. i want to go away forever. no more of this crap. i am hurting because my life is shit, i am hurting.

sorry, everyone else has problems too not just me. I'll shut up now. 😞

@pip I have missed you so much 🙂

I am me and i can't help being so sensitive and take things to heart so quickly.

I feel i am in a pit and can't get back up.

@BlueBay

If you want to get out you will, you can do this - if I can make changes and survive what we just went through with out having a total melt down you can do. One thing I noticed that only just started through this experience of mine is "pain" I always try to distract myself as I dont want it anymore either and just like you want to go and hide etc. For the first time and I dont know how I done this but I was really upset about this sister ordeal and in pain for my partner. Instead of trying to push it away I think I actually done what they say to do and that is "let the pain come on and accept it" I did that and I cried for another few minutes but then I felt like it was gone quite quickly and I was no longer hurting. So what I mean is sometimes when we push it away and keep pushing the pain away it still comes back until we let it come over us and we accept it. The funny thing is when I let it wash over me it wasnt as painful as when I try to push it away. Hope that makes sense?

I too get very sensative but one thing I'm trying to do is - right down my feeling towards something that has me all over sensative and say to myself "how would I respond to my partner or best friend if they got all over sensative over the same thing" usually the answer is you are much kinder to them then you are on yourself.

Dont apologise for posting, you are just as important as others on here - thats what the forum is for.

@BlueBay maybe a suggestion that has helped my state of mind is try not to say anything negative or down. Not that we dont want to hear it its just when you say it you cement it in your brain more and it becomes more fact than fiction. You are a wonderful person who is going through a lot at the moment and in need of support. After all you are my long lost twin

I'm giving you a big hug, please be nice to yourself - we all care about you.