Living with an alcoholic husband

Welcome to the forums. @Elice

Thank you for sharing what's been happening for you. I can imagine how much pressure this is adding on you.

Do you think he is ready to make changes?

Some times I think he is because when I speak about his drinking he will agree he has been going a little harder than usual but other times he will turn it around on me and act like I am the one with the problem. He was ‘very disappointed’ in me that I went to his parents to seek support. The sad thing is .. they knew exactly why I went to see them as soon as they saw me.

Hi Elice,

Sounds like you are in a very tough spot at the moment. My mother is an alcoholic and doesn't want to accept help; she constantly deflects if I try to bring it up. So, I relate to your experience when your husband tries to turn his problem on you.

In my experience, once I realised that no matter what I did, my mum did not want to be helped and constantly arguing with her was only hurting me, I moved out. I will be ready to support her when she is prepared to accept help, but unfortunately, she is not at that stage yet.

I can see that your situation is even more difficult because he is your husband.

I am unsure if you have done this, but I would reach out to some support services in your area, marriage counselling, alcohol rehabilitation support groups, etc. and talk to him if he would be willing to engage in these services to help manage his addiction. If he puts up a fight and denies that he has a problem, then I would leave; if he is unwilling to reach out at least and see what these services can do to help him, then he will continue to cause you distress.

I would make sure this time that he doesn't just make promises to get better, but tangible results. Healing from an addiction is not linear but if he is in contact with support and at least giving it a go that would be amazing.

If you don't want to do those things above, I would consider for your mental well-being to seek a counsellor/psychologist yourself. It sounds like throughout your life, you have dealt with some stressful situations due to people around you having an alcohol addiction; talking about it with a professional may be beneficial for you.

Anyway, thanks for reaching out, and I really do empathise with you. I hope your husband gets the help he needs.

Hey @Elice,

This is really tough. I can relate a lot to everything you have written here as unfortunately my ex partner and the father of my children is an alcoholic. For me it didn't matter what I said, who I involved, begged him, pleaded, ultimatums, separations etc, years of fighting for this man because he was also good despite this problem. In the end the drinking won.

That isn't to say your partner can't change, lots and lots of people overcome it, but it really has to come from them. They have to want it more than you do, they have to really want it.

Would he be open to receiving outside help and support, like counselling or AA? And what about for yourself, are you getting support?