New therapist

@Former-Member sounds like there's been a rupture in the therapeutic relationship, and perhaps she hasn't the skills to repair it... or it could just be a mismatch of needs when it comes to repairing the rupture. I suppose, if it were me in your shoes, I would be reaching out (via email works fine) to basically highlight the rupture, the lack of trust, and the ways that their behaviour (e.g. not emailing stuff) has been negatively impacting my therapeutic journey. Then you see how they respond, and how the response makes your system feel - i.e. does the response settle the anxiety or perpetuate it.

Good old Blue Knot, what a great org. Yep that's it precisely!! And if you do have to move on to another therapist, it doesn't mean the time spent with this one was a waste! Just that the relationship was no longer suitable to your needs.

I hope you find the right path forward for you 🤞💜

@Jynx 🤗🤗

your thoughts etc in your first paragraph describes what happened with psych I was seeing. First session he started using type of therapy he had already decided to use to deal with abuse from my dad and thoroughly traumatised me.

I wrote a note as per discussion with BlueKnot and gave to him at 2nd session (which was approx 3mths after the first session). He read what I had wrote, apologised but atmosphere was not the best each session. 4th and final session I mention recommendation from my FIL about medical specialist. Psych started talking about support from my dad etc.

referral to him has expired and I refuse to go back. Going to talk to my current dr soon about referral to different Psych, want some one to review my meds. I’ve been taking same dosage of meds XYZ for months and feel no different than before starting to take them

@Former-Member oh yikes, sorry you had to go through that. Yeah finding the right support shouldn't be this tough hey. But it sounds like you've got a few changes in the works! I hope they pan out, and you get your meds sorted too! I'm off for tonight, take care and I'll chat to you next time 😊

@Jynx if I didn’t have the forums and everyone’s support and encouragement within them I doubt I would try to keep going with therapy.

@Dimity have been relaxing in the lounge room today enjoying the sunshine …. So nice.

all of a sudden I remembered you mentioning about previous therapist saying about her qualifications. I’ve lost count how many times my therapist has said about her high rate of success with EMDR.

dont understand why she keeps saying it. It’s irrelevant to me and, to be honest, I don’t care or want to know.

letter has been typed and ready to print in approx 3 weeks time, couple days before next session. Feel I’m getting frustrated. Need more info and answers plus need to feel am being listened to.

Your therapist was probably trying to reassure you @Former-Member .

Yes it's important to feel heard.

Think it’s time I get a new therapist @Dimity @Jynx

I was looking through emails from earlier this year for something unrelated and came across email which my therapist sent me in March this year. Attached to email are 2 sheets which are headed ‘Subsequent events in my life’, email mentioning they are part of preparation for EMDR.

they are fully completed and have since not long after getting the email. Attachments that I had to phone the firm where she works approx 2 weeks after the session as therapist hadn’t sent them to me. Appointment in April therapist read through, took copy, gave me back the originals and nothing has progressed since in regard to additional preparation.

by now, I’m feeling frustrated and let down. Feel like the last 18mths with this therapist has been a waste of my time and $$. I’ve lost all faith and trust in her. Have my letter ready for appointment with her on Friday in which have mentioned how I felt during the last appointment, what I had wanted to talk about plus that I no longer understand why I’m having appointments.

have appointment with local doctor next week, looking forward to talking with her about outcome of recent haematologist appointment plus requesting to see new psychiatrist and, possibly, new psychologist.

last few weeks, plus still do, just want to isolate completely including anything online. Find myself getting angry so quickly, feeling upset and going into tears. Either can’t sleep more than hour or 2 at a time or sleep for 10 to 12 hours. Don’t want to keep feeling this way. Don’t know what to do though

@Former-Member aww that is really frustrating!! I would be pretty mad too!

I feel like it would make sense that your recent low mood is related to this entirely - to feel like 18 months worth of therapy has been a waste of time would definitely rock the system!! I wouldn't be surprised to have emotions and thoughts from like, pre-therapy me come bubbling up, if that makes sense?

How are you feeling about advocating for yourself on Friday?

Whenever I find myself quick to anger, I usually find that underneath the anger is hurt. You're very much allowed to be feeling hurt by this. And I also find that it does help to try to express the anger as safely/healthily as I can, so it doesn't keep showing up in unrelated parts of my life. Do you think that could help?

@Jynx So many different feelings with anger definitely being one. Memories of appointments with the therapist acting like triggers for my anger. Discussions that have felt like catching up with a friend. Pre-therapy me …I’m feeling worse now than this time last year.

carry over from being verbally abused as a teenager is I get angry and then when calming down I burst into tears. That’s the only way I know how to deal with the anger.

my head knows about screaming into a pillow. Never get to that as my auto system kicks in and I’m in tears.

Advocating for myself on Friday - my current plans are to give my therapist my typed letter first, wait to hear what she has to say and, regardless what she says, telling her I won’t be having any more appointments with her.

@Former-Member emotions are funny things. I was reading the intro to this book (I really need to finish it lol) and what really helped was like, making a distinction between the felt sense of feelings and the socially constructed ideas about what emotions are. So like, the social idea of what anger is might not actually be what anger feels like for you. I think a lot of people associate anger with aggression for instance, but it doesn't mean we need to go punch something in order to express that particular feeling.

I'm like you - I even used to hate getting into debates because my body's response to... pretty much any overwhelming emotion actually, is to cry. Always felt like it was a weakness but it's literally just how my body deals with Big Feelings. I cry from sadness, sensory overwhelm, anger, frustration, even joy. It really sucks sometimes 😅 but it's just how I process my feelings!

I hope, regardless of her reaction, you can walk out of there with that chapter closed, and look towards finding something worth your time and energy! Fingers crossed 🤞