I don’t know what I’m feeling

Hi @GhostGirl123

Thanks for sharing here, it takes strength to be so open and vulnerable about what you're going through.

I think many others here can relate to these feelings of being stuck and waiting for the day to pass, it's a hard place to be in but you're not alone.

I hear that you've been trying really hard with therapy but it doesn't seem to be making any difference, sometimes it can take a while until we find what works for us. Have you spoken to your therapist about how you're feeling about everything and your worries that you're not making any progress?

We've sent you an email just to check in on you if you could keep an eye out for that.

Hi @GhostGirl123

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way right now. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling stuck and unsure of what's going on. Sometimes, when we're in the depths of depression, it can be so hard to even recognise our own emotions or understand why we're feeling the way we do. That sense of restlessness and the lack of enjoyment in things that used to bring you comfort are all signs that you're carrying a lot of emotional weight right now.

It’s not uncommon to feel disconnected from yourself and from the things you used to enjoy when you’re deeply depressed. Depression can sometimes make the world feel gray and empty, and it can be really frustrating when therapy doesn’t seem to be helping as much as you hoped. What you’re describing, (feeling restless, unable to focus, and like there’s no happiness or safety in your life) are all signs that your mind and body are really struggling right now.

You mentioned that you've done a lot of therapy this year and feel it hasn't helped. May I suggest that perhaps your mind and body are in a "rest and digest" state, where all the information gathered in therapy is being processed and slowly integrated?

We each have different ways and paces of absorbing new concepts, and it’s important to be in the right space to fully take in everything we’re experiencing. So, what I'm trying to say is that even if you’re not seeing the effects on a conscious level, the therapy may still have been beneficial—if only by showing your commitment to yourself by participating.

I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way, and that it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Depression can be so isolating, but reaching out, as you’ve done, is a brave step. Even though it might not feel like it, this shows that you still have hope, and that’s something really important.

If you haven't already, it may be worth discussing these feelings with your therapist, who may have a greater insight or offer a different approach.

Please remember to be kind to yourself during this time. Depression can make everything feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out, there is always someone to connect with here, and even though it may take time, things can get better.

Be kind to yourself.

@Alisse

Hi @GhostGirl123. I don't have a problem with know why I feel the way I feel, I think I have a pretty good idea about why I'm depressed. Still, I do have the same feeling of not enjoying much of anything anymore and just wanting the time to pass. Recently I've found myself going to bed early, not because i'm tired or unwell, but for no other reason than just to end the day.

So reading your post makes me wonder if its more working out how to work on the depression (I have no idea and two psychologists haven't really helped) rather than why we feel certain ways.

I've been trying to find things to do in my life that have meaning to me and feel worthwhile... not just finding things to do as a temporary mental distraction. I've looked to fill my time with support groups, volunteer positions, and even looked at study. The support groups have been helpful but it's not much time every week and there's been no success with any volunteer positions yet. I guess i'm just trying to find some sort of meaning to my life.

It's funny that you mentioned the word 'stuck'. Another member here, @Explorer7 recommended a book to me recently, The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia to Find Your Path Forward by Britt Frank. He wrote quite a detailed summary of the book in that thread... https://lifeline.saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/Retirement-mental-health/m-p/1544053#M358395

I''ve never been a 'self-help book' sort of person, but I'm open to trying anything! I've only read a little bit so far so not enough to recommend it yet, but thought you may find it interesting as well.

Hi @GhostGirl123

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time at the moment. You mentioned that there isn't anything that feels happy or safe for you at the moment - please know that you are safe here on the forums. Our community is always here to support and listen when you need. 💙

It sounds like you have done quite a bit of therapy this year. I'm wondering if you are still seeing your therapist? Have you been able to mention how you are feeling to them or perhaps a close friend or family member?

I understand how frustrating and upsetting it can be to not find joy in the things that used to make us happy... I'm wondering if there's something that you could do to tweak things slightly to see if that is on any use? You mentioned that you find it hard to sit still and are restless, instead of sitting down to watch TV would you be able to listen to an audio book perhaps so you have the ability to move around but still have that escape of listening to a story? I know its not the same as watching TV but just an idea!

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

Hi @GhostGirl123

As I understand it, it is possible to experience restlessness during depression. The possibility of being bipolar immediately came to mind. Some medications can also cause such mixed symptoms.

I experienced sleep disorder when I was depressed. If you're able to go to bed and sleep some of your life away, so to speak, that'd seem to be a small mercy.

Do you know what kind of therapy you've been doing?

If it's CBT-based, there are many situations in which patients don't respond to CBT or relapse.

@MJG017 (thank you) mentioned a revlew of the Science of Stuck that I posted recently. The psychotherapist who wrote that book, who's a survivor of depression among other things, reckons we need body-based therapies which leverage the power of feelings to change our thoughts. She's invoking the body-mind connection. The premise is that once you can get your "logic" brain back online, then you’ll find a use for cognitive tools like positive thinking, affirmations, and encouraging self-talk.