AL0007Casual Contributor
Suicidal thoughts
Ive become really suicidal.
Have been for years now, but its gotten so much more apparent these past 6 months how much i really just dont want to carry on like this anymore.
Ive struggled with heavy addiction for 14 years, diagnosed adhd , depression and anxiety in 2010 and then a recent update diagnosis after a suicide attempt last year of bipolar 2 disorder.
2 pysch admissions this year after psychotic episodes.
In and out of rehab for 3 years, loss of marriage, home, job, now homeless and still in active addiction. Feel like im worse than ever, and my loved ones i know are over my shit. Im over my own shit. Im exhausting, i just cant get better.
I think itd be a relief for all my loved ones i weren't here so they can focus on their own lives and not have my chaos and instabilities affect them all the time.
(Edited by moderator)
I take my medications, i try go to n.a meetings,waiting for rehab again is biding my mind into insanity and reckless behaviour.
Im becoming manic again, i can feel it and im currently couch surfing between my ex wifes and my sisters place and catt team come see me every feww days and i even feel like a nuisance to them having to check in on me.
Will things ever get better and will the feeling and constant thoughts and planning of killing myself go away?? Or is this just the way bipolar disorder can be and there aint nothing we can do to want to want to live??
@Help
