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TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

  • I'm in a pretty dark place. I've been with my partner for a year, and was recently assaulted by a health professional where I was sexually assaulted.

My partner was being distant with me at the time for reasons I wasn't aware of. I told him about what had happened and he insisted on getting all the details. He said he would take matters into his own hands and that the person would be dealt with suggesting physical punishment. He also questioned why I hadn't reported it to police and put pressure on me to do so. I've been through a lot already and am currently dealing with recovering from PTSD from a previous DV relationship and this incident has caused a lot more stress and I can't face going down a legal path and the stress that comes with reporting. I also don't want my partner to beat up the guy and have to deal with the consequences of what that could bring so I haven't given my partner the name of the person. He says I'm lying if I don't give him the details and that our relationship will be over if I don't give him the details. I feel stuck and like this is so unfair he's doing this to me and like I'm being backed into a corner. To add, my partner started sleeping with another woman 2 weeks before the incident hence his distance and isn't able to tell me why he did it and is using my assault to deflect from what he did. He was caught out by the other woman coming to his house exposing the affair. He says he made a mistake and wants to be with me, however I don't feel like he's really remorseful.

I'm so lost and don't know what to do as I love him, but don't want to be forced to give him the details and the affects of what could become of it.

Any advice would be appreciated a lot.

16 replies

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In response to: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Hi @Ru-bee ,

Thanks for checking-in and for the posting tips.

I'd love to say there was something that you could do to help, but unfortunately there's not.

Things seem to be going from bad to worse and got pretty intense over the weekend. My partner lost it and started to go into a rage, hitting himself in the head very hard and against things saying he needed to know the answers. He then left and said he was going to end his life [edited by moderator]. It was one of the scariest nights of my life. I didn't know what to do, he went for hours not answering my calls or texts then I found him in my front yard [edited by moderator], he was freezing cold. I managed to get him to come inside and sleep for a few hours, but in the morning he was angry again and says I have no respect for him or his life, that I'd literally let him end his own over giving up the details. Seeing him so worked up made me even less inclined to give him the details as his behaviour seemed so unhinged. I don't know if he is threatening to do it, or if he would, but I feel even more stressed out and backed into a corner now, and any choice I make could have dire consequences which I'd be responsible for.

In response to: Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Hi @Dreamzy ,

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry this has happened for you. It certainly sounds like it was very frightening.

Just a note, moderators have had to edit out the specific details about self-harm from your post to ensure it is safe for the community. This is in line with our community guidelines https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/community-guidelines

Adding to this, if you or your partner is ever in danger, or incidents similar to the ones you have described happen again, it is very important to phone 000.

You deserve all the support you can get.

In response to: Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

I can't imagine how distressing and frightening that must have been for you @Dreamzy

I am concerned about your partner's behaviour. I understand that this is putting huge amounts of pressure on you but I want to assure you that we are not responsible for anyone else's behaviours and actions, other than our own. Of course you don't want any harm to come to your partner, and should contact 000 if you believe he is in immediate danger, but you're not responsible for the actions he takes.

I'd like to encourage you to reach out to 1800RESPECT for some more support with everything that's been happening. As @tyme mentioned, you deserve all the support you can get.

In response to: Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

How are you @Dreamzy ?

In response to: Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Hey @tyme & @Ru-bee ,

Thanks for your last messages.

I'd like to be able to say better, but things haven't been good. I'm almost embarrassed to talk about my partners behaviour, he's been ugly to put it nicely.

We had a counselling session booked in for 10am on Thursday morning to help us try and work through this. He ended up walking out after continued arguing at 5am and didn't come back. I found out that he went to see the women he cheated on me with, declaring his love and compassion for me hours after, and continued to lie and deny and was abusive, even after being presented with undeniable evidence yesterday- a real gem...

I think it's safe to say that the writings well and truly on the wall now. He's shown remorse and apologised now, but how do you come back from that. It was bad enough before. I'm a mixture of all the emotions today....

Hope you guys are doing well and enjoying the weekend.

In response to: Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

Re: TW: Aftermath of infidelity & assault

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened @Dreamzy .

It sounds so confusing about what he really wants in life. Does he see there is an issue? Does he want things to improve or change?

It sounds like you need to look after yourself, because if you don't, I'm not sure your partner will either.

I read that there was an argument. Are you okay?

11 - 16 of 16